I need a button that says, "I went to Cal, and all I got was this lousy sweatshirt".

So, its been 2 weeks since we did the big move and I'm still trying to make things happen, primarily work and housing. Its been a total nightmare. The move was a nightmare in itself, and being homeless is an even bigger nightmare. For the art of moving is only technically a "transition" when it results in moving into another home... or moving into something else. It just ain't happenin'. I haven't found any jobs that are the right fit. Right fit meaning: pay, hours, location and of course something I can tolerate doing. It must be something I can at least tolerate because I'm too mentally unstable for bullshit, as if ya'll didn't already know that.

Not enough income leaves us without a place to call home. Grandma took us in, but I'm not comfortable there. She doesn't have enough physical space for us, I'm convinced that she doesn't really want to share the little space she does have, factor in about $70 in gas a week (if I planned on returning after taking Miss J to school), and her kids, again, I'm too mentally unstable to continue there for too much longer. I looked into a local housing program specific to single mothers, but fell $50 short of their income requirement, and the director of the program, while she said she may be able to make an exception, seemed to pass judgment, inquiring as to why it has taken me "so long to finish my academic program". I guess I wasn't aware that 2 extra years, with a child and no help qualified as "so long", but I guess. I refrained from inquiring about her elitist attitude and reminding her that asking stupid questions about my academic program was not a part of the application process. Its always interesting to encounter people when seeking any kind of social service or assistance. You are always viewed as a further drain on an already weakened economy, especially if you are seeking services as a black single mother. The fact that you may have given your blood, sweat and tears to a University, and will probably make a shit load more money than they do one day, never really comes into play... until they blatantly try to railroad you and you have to set them straight.

Needless to say, this is not an enjoyable experience. When I first entered this new state of being, I took a look back at my friend Sharyn's documented homeless experience, which helped me sorta prepare and not feel as shitty. Other things that help me feel like less of a failure are the comforts of knowing that I am not the only one with this particular experience (leaving school and entering a realm of a whole lotta nothin'), and the support of good friends.

To be continued...

Dear Mom,

Today I lied to (insert teacher's name) and told her I was an Early Bird. I went to (insert after school program) instead of going back to class. I did it because I don't like being a Late Bird. I'm sorry I won't do it again.

Love,
Jalia

You know what I really hate? When people tell me shit that I already know! Especially when I am trying to gain NEW information. I am STILL waiting for my professor to submit my thesis grade. I thought that since it was already the end of the semester, that one more paper would NOT be that big of a deal for her to read, but obviously I was wrong. Obviously ONE WHOLE MONTH has not been enough time for her to read and grade my paper. Obviously "I" was the only person who had a deadline when it comes to this fucking paper!

I sent a second inquiry email to the professor and cc'd it to the department adviser. The adviser felt that it was totally necessary to remind me that the professor has started a new semester, thus, will get around to my thesis whenever she has time. First of all, DUH BITCH! I am fully aware that this is a new semester and that the heffa is teaching a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12:30-2pm! I am also aware that I submitted my thesis to her a month ago and that should have been ample time for her to do what she needed to do. What the hell does she mean that she'll get around to it when she has time?? If that were the case, why the fuck did I need to submit it within a certain time frame? If deadlines didn't matter, I could have still been working on it! As bad as I am trying to put UC Berkeley behind me, its like I am forever tied to it. I came, I saw, and now I'm trying to move the fuck on, SO LET ME DAMNIT!

In other news... actually, let's not even get into the other news. I think my blood pressure is already high enough for today. Instead, I think I'm gonna go put on my electric kettle and make myself a tall ass mug of Peppermint tea!

The professor who was overseeing my thesis once told me that. These days, I'm putting it into practice. I decided to pass on going to the interview today, with the option to call and reschedule at a later date. I just couldn't fully make the commitment or waste my time, and theirs, by going through the motions today. I've been searching and researching more opportunities and I am sure that I will "get in where I fit in" when the time is right.

I got my application submitted for junior college and now its all a matter of working out a few kinks in their generalized requirements and getting enrolled in the math class. At this late date, I am really hoping that the class isn't full. That would really be irritating. Completely my fault, but irritating nonetheless. On the other hand, if it were full and I did have to wait yet another semester (God forbid) it would only give me complete freedom to choose a job position without time restraints, which could mean the difference between part time and full time. We'll see how it all goes down in the next few weeks.

Winter Break must come to an end. I'm sitting here trying to determine if I want to get out of bed or not. Although there are things that need to be done, after reading the wise words of Mrs. Allen-Mercado, I'm asking myself, "do I really want to?" The answer is a big fat NO. I'd much rather spend my Saturday lazily under the covers. Obviously Miss J would like to spend her Saturday during the same because she has invited me to pop some corn and watch a movie with her. Perhaps its because its wet aside, or because I know this is the last official day of rest since tomorrow will be spent preparing to get back in the grove of getting Miss J off to school and such, whatever the reason, staying in bed sounds kinda nice.

I finally decided to crack open Suze Orman's Women & Money last night, and now half way through, I'm sitting here accompanied by this month's bills, a pen, a pad and a calculator. I'm usually really organized and routine with my finances, but ever since I was laid off things have been all over the place. Since its a new year, and I have new job opportunities unfolding, its time to restore order. I figure, I at least need to know all of the important numbers so that once income gets generated everything can just fall into place. I find the 5-month plan that Suze outlines in her book to be interesting, so I'm going to try it and see where it gets me. So far, it all looks promising because some of the steps that she suggests, I already do.

Lucky for me, all of this can be done from the comforts of my bed.

Got my final paper into my professor's box, and finished my last semester at Cal.

My last semester at Cal... well... as soon as I turn in the last of my papers next week. The last day of classes for me was on Thursday, as this week is suppose to be dedicated to studying for finals. I don't have any finals, so this week will be dedicated to completing my final paper for this semester's class, and organizing and compiling my thesis. I realized that I actually don't have to complete the other two papers before the end of this semester, but before the beginning of the next instead, so that took some weight off of my shoulders. So, once again, as I approach the end of 2009, I am one step closer to earning my degree. Looks like it will be my birthday gift to myself in the Spring after I've tackled survived aced that Statistics class.

I feel a little indifferent about the whole thing right now. I wont be fully satisfied or feel fully accomplished until I have that piece of paper in my hand. However, I can actually see the finish line now. I can actually start making some moves without being tied down to a classroom or boxed into the title of "student." I'm ready to part with it for a while. I'm sure that I will return for my Masters after a much needed break, IF its necessary in advancing which ever career I choose. For now, I'm ready to take advantage of generating income and taking out time just for myself. I can't wait!

That's what students were met with, and felt, as they stood up for public education.

As the occupation of Wheeler Hall took place, the Chancellor not only called in the UCPD, but he also felt the need to call in city law enforcement, who arrived in riot gear, obviously ready to do battle. They agitated the hundreds of supporters outside the building, and began pushing them, poking them, and beating them with their batons, all while our Chancellor sent out emails throughout the day saying how the safety of the students was a priority. There are reports that a woman's hand was broken by a police baton, and there are others with bruises from the rubber bullets. The ecalation was a real surprise and shock. We had already had two days of peaceful protest and were rounding up the campaign against the fee hike with a third. We had seen the beatings and pepper spraying of UCLA students and were happy that it wasn't happening on our campus... and then suddenly, it was.

Thankfully, none of our moms or babies were hurt, as we had received word of the police presence and planned accordingly. But, we were still there!


On the front lines! Arms linked, and not taking no shit, because, we don't set foot on campus everyday just for ourselves, but for our children and families. They can't just request $2,500 more from us and expect us to hand it over willingly. I can happy that I will not be returning next semester for various reasons, however, saddened for what this means for those who will be returning or just entering (and those "just entering" will be few).

Take a look at the short videos below to have a first hand look at just how much of a priority the safety of UC Berkeley's students were on Friday.

We stood in solidarity this week, and were semi-defeated with the approval of the proposed 32% fee hike to tuition within the UC system. So, that means that $2,500 will be tacked onto the already $4,176 - $4, 874 (depending if you have opted to be covered under the University's health insurance plan) next semester, bringing tuition costs to $6,676 - $7,374 for Spring 2010. This is detrimental to students who are already struggling to pay for their education, and it is devastating for certain campus communities, such as students of color and student-parents. Although the Regents say that low-income students will be shielded from this hike, we are having a hard time trusting that. The fact that the University is laying workers and faculty off left and right, closing child care centers, imposing new regulations and eliminating vital resources, DOES NOT provide any ease. We all fear that this is the beginning of the "death of public education".


We have been reminded by fellow students that this decision to approve the fee hike was not solely the decision of the UC Regents, but more of a snowball effect of our dry state. California's budget crisis has not improved and people are still feeling the sting of frigged air from being left out in the cold for what is starting to feel like forever. Whatever the reasons, we simply CAN NOT afford to dish out more money, and we are being told that neither can the financial systems that have been in place to aid us. So, then what? What happens to the student who has invested so much, but can not afford to continue on the journey? What happens to high schoolers who may not be able to get fully funded? How will the University, particularly, UC Berkeley, maintain its status as one of the most prestigious schools in the country if it has to shut out thousands of hopeful applicants? There will surely be some interesting times ahead as things continue to unfold.


The movement to stand up, fight for what is right, and be heard, will press on today, as students have organized themselves for another day of protesting. There is still a great belief in the power of a mass and collectivity. The hope is that the University will see that the students they serve "ARE the University and they have the power to shut it down". No business as usual for many, even as the semester is ending and finals are being thought up, students still have justice on the brain. I can't predict an outcome, but I can show my support by participating in the movement as I have been while I am still officially on campus, and show my solidarity to my UC Berkeley community once I move on.

The start of a brand new week brings with it memories of a full weekend, and consequences of letting loose and having a little too much fun. In my world, the concept of "too much fun" rarely exists, but considering the fact that I have a paper due tomorrow, that I have yet to start... yes, too much fun over the weekend. But then again, when you are a student, any time that you aren't reading or writing something you're having too much fun, so...

Anyway... today, I will be buckling down into some analysis and churning out a 5 page paper. I also have my first parent/teacher conference with Miss J's teacher this school year. I don't really know what to expect during this visit. I would like to hear all good things, but its been a semi-rough half of 1st grade. I've gotten a couple of notes sent home that have resulted in some lengthy emails between her teacher and I. One of which, I had to explain to her teacher why its not a good idea to refer to my kid as "violent" just because she and a classmate had a physical altercation. Miss J is no angel, but she's not intentionally hateful to other children either. For me, "violence" not only implies intent, but it also implies that physical altercations have been a regular occurrence, which hasn't been the case. She actually tried to psychoanalyze Miss J because she told her that she plays video games with a friend. I proudly wrote her ass an essay with a counter argument and she realized that perhaps "violent" really wasn't an appropriate term, and that perhaps she did jump to conclusions about Miss J being corrupted by "violent" video games. Sigh... the joys of making sure that your children don't fall victim to being tracked in a bad way during those vital years in school.

Geez, the day is cut out for me, and its only Monday. What's on your agenda?

As you all know, I walked it on out back in May. I was in full graduation ceremony mode, participating in like, FOUR of them. I had my department commencement, a scholarship dinner, a commencement for student parents, and I also participated in the commencement for Black graduates. I practically spent the month of May in and out of cap and gown. There were plenty of enjoyable moments from these ceremonies, like when Miss J walked across the stage with me during my department graduation, and when my Cal mommies and I got to celebrate our accomplishments together during our student parent ceremony. There were also some bittersweet moments, like the fact that my grandfather was in Mississippi for the month and missed out on the happiness. He really wanted to be there, and was saddened not to see himself in the family pictures.

Lucky for him, we all have the opportunity to do it all over again. Well, maybe not "all" of it, but I do have the opportunity to participate in the December commencement ceremony for December graduates. Since this is officially my very last semester as a Cal student, THAT'S ME! Sure, I wouldn't be walking with any of my friends this time, but at least this would give my grandfather the opportunity to be a part of the experience as he should be. He is currently on another trip to MS, but gave me the go ahead to get all signed up because he'll be back home by the date. So, looks like its on. Back in the cap and gown, and time to flip that tassel to the left, to the left.

Its National Blog Posting Month again, and again, I'm all in. Ready to take the challenge. It will do both myself and my readers some good. I'll discipline myself to write everyday, which I will need since the thesis needs to be nearly completed this month, and you will have the opportunity to stop by for everyday rants and raves. What fun.

Seems like the month of October flew by. One minute the semester was starting and I was trying to find an available class, that might be enjoyable, and now I have 5 more weeks until its all over. I'll get all of my papers in next month and then start the task of packing up a household that I have been settled into for the last 6 years. At the moment, I have no idea where we will be heading, but I'm sure I will figure it all out by the time we must be moving on. Miss J is a little sad about our move. Its the only home that she's known. We've been in the same neighborhood and apartment since she was 5 months old. All of her friends are in this neighborhood. But as all good things do, our time hear must come to an end. I am taking the time to explain to her that just because we wont be in the same neighborhood anymore, it doesn't mean that she wont be able to see and spend time with her friends anymore. Its gonna be a process.

How's your Monday?

Join me over at Moms of Hue, where I talk about the beautiful contribution that my friend, and fellow student single mother, Koko Mulder, has made to student families at the University of California, Berkeley.

In lieu of the proposed 32% tuition hike for next year, both students and faculty from UC campuses statewide have come together in solidarity and claimed today, September 24th as a day of action. UC Berkeley has staged a walkout and rally to "fight the power" scheduled to take place at noon. Those who are not walking out will stay in and hold teach-ins, where they will lecture to students about the budget crisis, cuts and what it all means. The picket lines are already in full swing and the people are descending on the campus, getting ready to band together. The budget crisis and mass budget cuts to the state and UC system has left furloughs, pay cuts, and layoffs in its wake, not to mention less classes being offered as a direct effect of this. These nouveau institutional conditions are already a burden on students who are striving to complete their academic careers, but fee hikes add a whole new dimension. This would not only be detrimental to folks who are still on the grind, but also to students who hope to come into the UC system.

Within the CSU system, students have already been turned away in large numbers because of the campuses' inability to support them, and my campus, good old Cal, is planning to admit a large number of international students because their tuition costs are higher than students who have CA residency; thus the University can pull in more money from these students to fill in financial gaps left by the current crisis. Like I said, this situation is pretty urgent. Desparate times are calling for desparate measures, but there are costs.

A part of me wants to believe that the rising up of students and faculty today will make an impact, however, from experience, I know that no matter how big the number and how strong the support, the University is an institution and it will do whatever it has to in order to save itself. They already know this fee hike is a serious proposal. They already know that faculty are fighting to keep their jobs and fighting for a livable wage. They already know that students are losing out big time and are pissed off about it. They know all of this, yet, at the end of the day, they've said that there isn't anything else they can do except for what they are already doing, which is to continue to lay off and induce furloughs.

We'll see what impact the contributions of those across the 10 UC campuses will make on the powers that be.

We are a week into school around these parts. Yep, you read that right. "We"; as in Miss J and little old me. I really didn't envision my Fall including anybody's assigned reading and I sure as hell didn't envision it including anybody's classroom. I foresaw more of an office type setting for this time of year. You know, something that demanded a lot out of you, but actually paid you instead of you paying it at the end of the day. Surprisingly, I am not the only one around campus who adorned a cap & gown back in May. There are even some folks who have already been accepted to a grad program, but are still prancing around UCB, trying to figure out which way is up. Trust me, its not by choice for the majority of us. These are some pretty rough times and it shows in many aspects of many lives.

As education was thought to be a safe haven for a jobless economy, the CSU and UC wells are starting to run dry. Colleges are turning students away, rushing the students who remain and giving staff the X left and right. You should see all of the courses that have been cancelled due to not being able to keep professors and employ GSIs (graduate student instructors). Its a bit ridiculous to those of us who have watched our schools invest their capital in projects outside of academics, like that useless ass sports facility that UCB is building. Furthermore, the situation is made that much worse because of the financial state of California. All me can do is sit back and hope that things improve with the least amount of damage in the long run.

In contrast to the summer, I hit the ground running this first week. Tracked down a viable class, that doesn't require me to buy any books, touched bases with my thesis professor and developed a new workable plan, and I am about half way through the process of trying to secure funding for one last semester at Cal. If my case is convincing, I could have that piece of paper with the golden seal no later than April (takes them 4 months to get you the tangible proof in the mail). I feel like I've been to this point so many times before. Same old song, just a different semester. I truly am working hard. As hard as an exhausted mind could. I've decided that I'm just not gonna beat myself up about it anymore. However long it takes me to earn what I came to UCB to earn then so be it! I do admit that its hard to watch others reach their achievement, especially when we either started the journey around the same time or if they started after I did. But again, there is really no use in beating myself up about it because at the end of the day, I am but "me" and only I know how much work I am putting in and how much I am sacraficing to reach my own achievement. I've made peace with it!

So, now, I find myself back in the game, fighting to get what I came for. Got my eye back on the prize and determination in my spirit. I see the challenges of the next 3 months in advance, but I am going to face them head on and call on every single resource that I have available to me.

Keep me in your thoughts and throw some virtual umph my way as I strive to cross the finish line... officially.

I remember when my professor said it. "Just make a decision and stick with it", she'd say. Well... I did this summer. In order to officially have earned my degree I have just two more classes to complete and the thesis. You do remember the thesis don't you? Yeah, its still waiting in the wings for my attention. Anyhoo... I had planned to complete everything this summer. I enrolled in the two classes, dusted off my research materials and was prepared to jump right in. Enter reality: its not a good idea to take math during the summer IF there are other classes involved. Nor is it a good idea to take math, other classes and write a thesis during the summer. I knew this before I signed up for summer classes, but I wanted to give it a go anyway. Who knows, I could have totally came out of it on top. I took 3 classes last summer and did every well!

Classes started and I realized that I should have listened to myself and others who warned me that not only taking math with other classes in the summer would be a bad idea, but also that taking it at Cal during the summer would be even worse of an idea. So, I'm sitting out the summer for some much needed down time and the opportunity to get some research done without the pressure of added academic responsibility. I'll sit in one more fall and then I'll be completely done, which will give me other benefits like time to find a job and a new apartment. I also wanted to be able to spend some quality time with Miss J actually enjoying the summer. We both deserve to have a break.

We got a chance to go to the water park last week with friends and we had a lot of fun. My legs got some much needed sun and our bodies got a natural dose of vitamin D.



Although sand is not my friend, we might find ourselves at the beach this weekend enjoying the nice weather.

What adventures are you and your family going on this summer?

Yes Miss J. I am fully aware that you think its summer and you'd much rather be at the beach, go to Chuck E Cheese's, steer clear of the summer after-school program, have daily play dates, pick out a new bike and ride it daily, take trips to visit family... daily, get out of the house to go ANYWHERE... DAILY! That just ain't reality for you and me. Since I have to be in class at 8 AM five days a week, and three of those days I'll be leaving class at 6pm, that means you'll need to spend your summer days eating well, reading books, and playing with friends at the summer after-school program. I'll trade with you if you want. You can read these chapters in my math book, and try to figure out what the hell x + or - this or that is. Or you can dive right into this social theory. No?

The invention of summer classes should be blasphemous. And I need my butt kicked for leaving math til the last possible second. Its the equivalent of being a high school senior in a class with all freshmen. What can I say? I'm not alone in doing this. Summer time is usually chalked full of super seniors trying to get those last few units completed. There aren't exactly any rules to finishing college except that you simply finish. I gotta tell you though, my walk was extra heavy as I trekked through the math building looking for room #6. I did NOT wanna go this morning. I too, am having issues with the realization that life is still at full speed when I need it to be on cruise control. Like Miss J, I'd much rather be in bed, veg out, hit the beach, read books that haven't been assigned by an authority figure, and make some money for God sakes.

If I'm lucky, come mid-August I'll be on my way to having completed these things... preferably in that order.

My writing mojo!

Where the hell has it escaped to? And when did this happen? And more importantly, WHY is this happening? And even more importantly than that, WHY RIGHT NOW??!!??

Ok, so I was suppose to do a mid-semester paper, way back during the mid-semester, and um... I couldn't make it come together the way it should have. I mean, it wasn't even a big deal. Just a little write up, that should have been enjoyable. Talking all about how those little Mcdonald's Happy Meal toys are the root of all gendered evil. But nooooo, my brain shut off and all of a sudden I had nothing but an idea trapped inside. And then there was the final paper for the same class that I have yet to finish...

Anybody noticing an aweful pattern here??

First, I had a problem producing my thesis and now I'm having problems with the small stuff. What the hell is my problem?? Its not senioritis, or solely procrastination, or lack of interest, or even lack of real motivation or drive. Its something else. Something internal that I can't quite put my finger on. What I am certain of, is that this is a big problem. One that almost caused me not to attend my last graduation celebration because I started in on myself pretty hard with an internal ass kicking, and mental verbal lashing about how I didn't really deserve to be celebrating as a graduate because I hadn't even completed my final two assignments of the semester. Sigh...

Have you ever had writer's block on a piece that should be extremely simple? Have you ever had writer's breakdown on a piece that should be extremely simple? Should I take a day or two to unwind and reset my brain?

The funny thing is that I have been "dreaming" about completing tasks only to awake and realize that I ain't done shit! Stop laughing! I honestly don't have a clue as to why I am having such a difficult time writing these days. Its not just with things that have deadlines, it carries over to blogging too. If I haven't gotten a paper in on time then guilt keeps me from blogging when I want to... and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts in an order that would make sense to you when you read it. Again... sigh.

I'm sure I'll get it all figured out and come through at the last possible second as always. Or... could it be that my writer's mojo has fled and will not return? I've never been without it for this long, under these kinds of circumstances. Pray with me that it returns by next week. Until then...

Here's a picture of me at the Transfer, Reentry and Student Parent Graduation celebration (that I almost didn't go to). I got a certificate for my achievement of graduation and one of recognition for my service to the TRSP center.

The lady to my right is Alice Jordan, the director of the Student Parent Center and the savior of all student parents that cross paths with her. She is a God-send and we work really hard to do her proud because she goes above and beyond to make sure we succeed.

And then there is this...

No. There wasn't an A's game I forgot to mention. Just the result of a couple of celebratory drinks with a few of the Cal mommies, including Rue of Outdoor Afro that I mentioned in an earlier post, and remember that I also mentioned that you should really check her out as she tells tales of her outdoor adventures.

Wish me luck on finding my mojo. Enjoy the weekend.