Do ya'll remember the time that Michael reunited with his brothers for the 30th Anniversary Concert Special?? Come on. Reminisce with me.

Last week, I didn't show much discipline when it came to my shape-up journey. That's what I'm gonna call this whole weight loss thing. I realize that I don't want to focus on weight alone, but on my life as a whole. My friend Traci brought a new concept to my attention concerning life and growth. One of chasing metamorphosis. Her quest to transform into the beautiful butterfly that she is destined to be, works to inspire me to do the same. It takes work, but what of importance doesn't? As we all know, life is a constant work in progress so there are many chances to find the right path for self, and even more chances to overcome the whole trial and error of experiences past.

I am recommitting myself to myself; meaning, I am going to start anew this week. The taupes has loosened it's hold on me a bit so my thinking is becoming clearer day by day, and with clarity brings new drive. So, back on the journey I go.

Be sure to check out my new mini-post over at Moms of Hue. Feel free to join in on the conversation. Go on now. Don't be scuuurrd!

The weight in: Sister friends

1. I remember, I remember the first day I met him in person. It was at a Starbucks in my neighborhood. He had dreamy eyes, a cuddly build, a personality and intellect that drew me in, and a smile that lit my senses on fire.

2. Dear Jalia, I want you to know that my life wouldn't be worth living if it didn't include you. My heart has been in sync with the pitter patter of your little feet ever since they expanded my womb. You are the perfect reflection of my past, present and future.

3. Is that my destiny calling!!???

4. I'm trying to resist the temptation of going back on the commitment that I made to myself. You see, I love food, and I'm sure that it loves me too.

5. I'm saving a big hug just for you!

6. If I made a birthday list a brand new iPod Classic would definitely be on it!!!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to inviting some friends over for dinner, tomorrow my plans include welcoming one of Miss J's friends over for a playdate and Sunday, I want to finally finish reading a book I've been dipping in and out of for months!

To participate in Friday Fill-Ins click here.

Nearly two years ago I decided that I was going to slim down. It was October 2007, and I found myself weighing 161 lbs. That was the most that I had ever weighed. Not too bad, right? I had always wanted to gain weight when I was a young size 5, but after seeing myself in the company Halloween photos, I wasn't too happy about what 161 lbs was looking like on my 5'1 frame. I signed on at Curves and went faithfully 3x a week, which paid off for me significantly. I dropped down to 146 lbs in just a few months. I felt really good about my progress and was looking forward to making it all the way to my goal weight of 125 lbs.

Then...

I was laid off from my job, and I let it affect my participation at Curves, and the way I ate. I went from healthy food choices back to the drive through, and from working out 3 days a week to just walking from class to class while on campus. I'm sure you know what happened next. The weight came back, and it brought 5 more friend pounds with it! The weight didn't return right away, but ever since I fell off the wagon in February 2008, my weight has been consistently on the rise.

After laying in bed all night waiting for sleep to come, and reading, and crocheting, and watching informercials, and checking emails, and arguing with myself over if I should attempt to force sleep upon myself at 4am, I made a spontaneous decision... to chase after the 'old me' again. Now, I know that life's goal should be to evolve; to become a better person than you once were. However, sometimes what we really need is the opposite. Sometimes life transforms us into people who are too different from the people of yesteryear. Haven't you even looked back at your life, and the you that you used to be, and felt the need to reground yourself? Well, that's sorta what happened to me this morning. I took a long look at the Barbara that I am right now and decided that I don't really like her. She isn't the "me" that I really wanna be. She's stuck in translation. The Barbara that I love existed before baby... before fear... she also existed within a 115 lb body that was healthy, muscular and welcomed a good challenge.

So, again, I have decided its time for me to slim down. No Curves this time, but I will revisit another program that helped me be successful. This program isn't really a program, but a social network that provides community, resources and tools, and support from folks who are in search of the same thing that you are. I'm talking about Sparkpeople.com. There, you can chart your weight loss, track and plan your meals, create a fitness routine, and jumpstart your motivation by interacting with others who are on the same path. There are even teams/groups available that you can join to help you find the support you need to reach your goals, whether its finding a buddy in your area to workout with or just another person to cheer you on. Best of all, these services are 100% free!

This morning I signed in for the first time in a year and a half, reintoduced myself and was welcomed back instantly by people who are still in the fight for good health. I am looking forward to getting readdicted to tracking my meals and earning points for keeping to my workouts. In fact, I started tracking today and I will do my first workout tonight!! After Miss J is alseep, I'm gonna pop in my Taebo dvd and work up a black sweat with Billy Blanks.

You can check out Sparkpeople if you would like to add a little virtual support to your routine, or hook up with workout buddies. Also, you can check out my profile here.

Courtesy of Tameka... allow me to think aloud once more.

- So, let me get this straight. Cal is actually blocking class registration and withholding financial aid payouts because their students who rely on financial aid payouts do not have the money to pay fees and charges that are normally paid by financial aid payouts? Ok then... watch for us in the trees bitches!

- Am I really this terrified about taking a math class? So terrified that I can't even bring myself to enroll in one? Really? WTF is my problem? Oh yeah... I'M TERRIFIED OF FAILING, and looking stupid, and representing women in math badly, and remembering that I haven't set foot in a math class since high school, and hearing all of the 'I told ya soes' about taking that math class instead of this one at this school instead of that one. Again, WTF is my problem?

- Is it really possible to find a decent paying job that will allow me to pay all of my back rent so that the University will actually release me from my indentured servitude? Is it really possible to give my income from said fantastical job to said mountain of debt AND be able to afford to relocate? Hmmmm...

- I wonder if I hurt the creditor's feelings when I hung up the phone in his face the other day? Well... I did tell him to have a nice day before introducing him to my friend 'click'.

- How could a little girl manage to have a hole in at least one knee of every fucking pair of jeans she owns??? That would be because she's "my" little girl! Back to school shopping is going to be so much fun.

- If I didn't think I was fat before, the fact that my thighs created so much friction while on vacation that I contemplated walking wide-legged like I had a stick up my ass, proved to me that I'm now like 60% fat and only 40% Phat.

- Speaking of being pretty & plump... I need some new clothes!! How come there isn't anyone to take me 'back to school' shopping? Or 'job hunting' shopping? Oooh, and how about 'MILF' shopping here?

What's on your mind today?

While in LA, we took a trip to the beautiful Manhattan Beach, where I ventured waste deep into the ocean, the furthest I have ever ventured at a beach for fear of drowning or freezing to death. Even in a heatwave, the shoreline that I normally visit here at home is always cold. I didn't have to worry about that down in Hollywood, where the sun was ablaze and both the sand and sea were warm and inviting.


However, I did have to worry about being pushed down and swallowed by a wave, which resulted in me losing my favorite sunglasses!


I had a blast though. I am so jealous of my LA family who can hit the beach on a daily basis if they want to. I'm not a fan of the sand, but I always make an exception for the beach!

Once in San Diego, we got all cute and hit the gay strip. I've never met so many nice people in one place in my life. Well, except for the parent community at Cal, and the blogosphere, but yeah, it was hard to say goodbye when the time came. Made me super ashamed that I am a Bay Area native and I've never been to the Castro. Hell, just merely admitting that brings me great shame. It will surely be my next first adventure!

Our first night in SD landed us at a nice bar, where a cute queer named Tyler thought I was fabulous and asked me to dance. I regret not getting my booty up off the barstool, but I was exhausted from the drive down, and the 2 Malibu and cranberries that I had didn't help. The bartender was equally as hot, and thought that the straight tourists in the spot were such an addition that he bought us all a round of shots. We were totally working the whole minority thing up in there.

The party continued the next day as we headed to have lunch at a place called Baja Betty's. Great food and great happy hour Margaritas. Who knew that non-alcoholic Barbara would be drinking too days in a row... and for lunch at that! Again, us tourists were working the joint; with my friend Gina befriending the cute bartender Paco, myself becoming new friends with Gina's old friends, and all of us just enjoying a good laugh and an all around good time.


And what'll ya know... Paco bought all of us a round a shots!


Thanks Paco.

After making a stop in a book store and gawking at The Big Penis Book, we went back to a friend's house for a movie, which turned out to be more of a group nap when I looked around and noticed that everyone had passed out on me. I woke up to realize that Gunner the cat had drank my water while I was asleep... why else would there be a tickle in my throat? Always a possible result after happy hour, right? Let's just say that was my last alcoholic beverage while on vacation.

The next days brought beautiful sites like Old Town San Diego and the historic Hotel del Coronado.


Both were extraordinary. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures this time, nor did I get to visit the museums of Balboa Park. We chose to go there on the same day that everyone else in the city did! Just one more reason that I'll have to return soon for more adventures.

Have you taken your summer vacation/staycation yet?

1. Going to the beach is my favorite summertime activity.

2. My favorite John Hughes movie is Home Alone.

3. My Kipenzi's face is something I love to touch.

4. The full moon doesn't frighten me.

5. I could use a second computer in the house right now.

6. When daylight fades sometimes sleep doesn't follow.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to watching some movies, tomorrow my plans include possibly hanging out with good friends and Sunday, I want to have a retreat in my bedroom!

To participate in Friday Fill-Ins click here.

Who knew that a vacation was in my immediate future... and one without baby!