By now, many of you have probably noticed that, when I leave you a comment on your blog, my name appears as Emma's Mom instead of Ms. Bar B. That's because I've started another blog, dedicated solely to Emma. And in case you are wondering who Emma is, you can find that out here. I'm still Ms. Bar B, but penning the posts for Emma, as Emma's Mom, just adds extra meaning.

I started a journal just for her a while back. I wanted to record all of her milestones, and tell her all of these things about myself, and her family. Every child has questions about themselves as they get older, questions about their history and yours, and the majority of the time, as parents, we are able to provide those answers. In my case, my mother passed away when I was eight years old, so I did not have the opportunity to ask her questions about her time with me when I was a baby, her feelings, her life experiences. I had to, and still have to, learn of these things from the fading memories of others, and even then, they are "her" feelings and life experiences as told by (fill in the blank). How cool would it have been if she had written me notes, or kept a journal? To have her story in her own words. It would have been priceless to me now. Fortunately, this is something that I am able to do for my daughter. Aside from this being a creative way for me to speak to my child, it also provides the space for difficult conversations. Contrary to what some may believe about the level of truth that a parent should reveal to a child, I believe that honesty really is the best policy, especially when it comes to history and circumstance, and I wish to be fully honest with my daughter.

This isn't a new concept. Some of you may already write letters or record memories for your children. Tara, of The Young Mommy Life, shares letters to her children on her blog, and has plans of publishing them one day, and the late Professor Randy Pausch turned his last lecture at Carnegie Mellon University into a book of legacy for the two children that he was leaving behind. The ability to leave your mark in such a way is one of the greatest gifts a child, or any loved one for that matter, could have.

So came Notes to Emma. I hope that you will check it out. It has already begun to inspire. Don't be shy, be inspired too.

Got my final paper into my professor's box, and finished my last semester at Cal.

I have been bouncing back and forth between the thesis and that lil' ole 5 page final paper for the last 3 days. I.Am.Tired! And still not finished with the thesis. I'm about 8 pages into it, so me and it will be spending a lot of time together tomorrow so I can make another trip up to campus on Friday to hand it in. But its all good, because I wont be returning to Cal, and that makes me happy. I still have two more papers to write before January 12th, but its all good, because I wont be returning to Cal, and that makes me happy. I have that math class to tackle, but... say it with me... Its all good, because I WONT BE RETURNING TO CAL, and THAT makes me HAPPY!!!!

Seriously. I does.

Seven days later and the words are finally starting to flow. Geez, me and deadlines, its an evil match. Me and my brain are sooo not friends right now, but don't tell it I said that, I woudn't want it to take these so needed thoughts on analyzing the work of Jennie Livingston and Marlon Riggs away from me. Not at this vital hour! Not when the end of this God awful semester is so near.

Next up: The gendered toys of Macdonald's Happy Meals, some words on street kids in India and little black boys in inner city public schools, and the ways in which black erotica works against the silencing of black female sexuality... oh, and 2.5 weeks to be fruitful. Let the games begin!

Be sure to check out my new mini-post over at Moms of Hue. Feel free to join in on the conversation. Go on now. Don't be scuuurrd!

The weight in: Sister friends

The brain child of Renee and Kristina, Moms of Hue is the new spot to be for mother's of color to congregate and join in on discussions of raising children within a system of unique experiences. I signed on as a contributor and can be found weighing in there on Thursdays. Stop by to do some weighing in of your own by clicking on the button above.

Today's weigh in: We are not our hair.

My writing mojo!

Where the hell has it escaped to? And when did this happen? And more importantly, WHY is this happening? And even more importantly than that, WHY RIGHT NOW??!!??

Ok, so I was suppose to do a mid-semester paper, way back during the mid-semester, and um... I couldn't make it come together the way it should have. I mean, it wasn't even a big deal. Just a little write up, that should have been enjoyable. Talking all about how those little Mcdonald's Happy Meal toys are the root of all gendered evil. But nooooo, my brain shut off and all of a sudden I had nothing but an idea trapped inside. And then there was the final paper for the same class that I have yet to finish...

Anybody noticing an aweful pattern here??

First, I had a problem producing my thesis and now I'm having problems with the small stuff. What the hell is my problem?? Its not senioritis, or solely procrastination, or lack of interest, or even lack of real motivation or drive. Its something else. Something internal that I can't quite put my finger on. What I am certain of, is that this is a big problem. One that almost caused me not to attend my last graduation celebration because I started in on myself pretty hard with an internal ass kicking, and mental verbal lashing about how I didn't really deserve to be celebrating as a graduate because I hadn't even completed my final two assignments of the semester. Sigh...

Have you ever had writer's block on a piece that should be extremely simple? Have you ever had writer's breakdown on a piece that should be extremely simple? Should I take a day or two to unwind and reset my brain?

The funny thing is that I have been "dreaming" about completing tasks only to awake and realize that I ain't done shit! Stop laughing! I honestly don't have a clue as to why I am having such a difficult time writing these days. Its not just with things that have deadlines, it carries over to blogging too. If I haven't gotten a paper in on time then guilt keeps me from blogging when I want to... and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts in an order that would make sense to you when you read it. Again... sigh.

I'm sure I'll get it all figured out and come through at the last possible second as always. Or... could it be that my writer's mojo has fled and will not return? I've never been without it for this long, under these kinds of circumstances. Pray with me that it returns by next week. Until then...

Here's a picture of me at the Transfer, Reentry and Student Parent Graduation celebration (that I almost didn't go to). I got a certificate for my achievement of graduation and one of recognition for my service to the TRSP center.