Sometimes, a good book can be a girl's best friend. I have been called on by Tameka to cure her itch, by revealing my favorite reads. This is a tough one since I don't get to peruse for pleasure as often as I'd like to. Sadly, indulging in theory and all things intellectual is "the job" and no longer brings me elation, so when I get the opportunity to just chill and submerge myself in a world of fantasy, that is the ultimate delight. Here are those that are currently in eyesight.

The Task:
(a) Fiction book
(b) Autobiography
(c) Non-fiction book
(d) A fourth book of your choice from any genre
Explain why the books are essential reads in no more than 30 words per book.

Fiction: Lola at the Library - Anna McQuinn and Rosalind Beardshaw

This one is obviously from Miss J's shelf, but I do enjoy experiencing Lola's excitement for books and love for reading as she takes a trip to the local library with her mommy. She stays for storytime and then picks out new books for her and mom to read at bedtime. It features a captivating happy nappy baby, what's not to love?








Autobiography: Life Is Not a Fairy Tale - Fantasia

Fantasia is an inspiration. Reading her story enlightened me to her struggles, survival and triumph. Although I have never rebelled against my education, I connected with many other aspects of her life because I have lived them.











Non-Fiction: The Rose That Grew From Concrete - Tupac Shakur

Poetry is one of my favorite forms of expression and this book was a must-have for me back in the day. 150 pages of Tupac's handwritten poetry from his youth. They provide a rare glimpse into the softer, more intimate side of a man who was born into a revolution and who died too young, but not before making his mark.









My Choice: On The Down Low - J.L. King

After a conversation with a friend about this "little secret" running wild within the black community, I decided to read King's confessions about his double life as a married man and adventurist on "the down low". From this one tale I became more aware of this secret society.

Because I don't want Tameka of Tea n Honey Bread to think that I am an ungrateful little snot, I have to take a minute to acknowledge her love and openly thank her for it. These days, I am feeling nothing like a superior scribbler... more like a pitiful scribbler, a poser, a fake! However, I know how to look beyond my own nullifying thoughts to accept the fact that this too shall pass.... because Tameka just said so.

Following in the footsteps of this marvelous and insightful woman, instead of passing this award on to five others, I am going to just pass it on to one. Not because I think that only one of you truly deserves it, but because many of you superior scribblers have already had this honor bestowed upon you and also because I am on borrowed time. So for now, I pass the love, and these rules, on to Eb of Renaissance Black Woman. Eb is one of those people who doesn't mind pulling you into her world and sharing every adventure, erotic fixation and any additional moment of sheer entertainment. I enjoy being along for the ride.

So, Eb, here's to you:
1. Post the award on your blog.
2. Link me for giving it to you.
3. Link the originating post here.
4. Pass the award on to five more deserving people.
5. Post these rules for your recipients.

1. My stomach bares a constant reminder that I did something wonderful 5 years ago.

2. Dressing and cranberry sauce is what I ate the most of on Thursday.

3. The yard is littered with colorful leaves.

4. A place of comfort is where I'd rather be at any given time.

5. The smell of greens cooking reminds me of grandmother.

6. Rejuvenation is what I need right now!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to continuing to burn the candle at both ends, tomorrow my plans include a little reorganization and Sunday, I want to prepare myself for a tough week!

Taking a moment to cherish the memories of birthday celebrations long past. A few years can seem like an eternity to those who were left behind. We who once loved and still love you. Missing the laughter, the home cooked meals, the daily conversations, the soap opera viewings, the warm home and everything that was you. Robbed of hugs and kisses, especially on that last day, when I kissed you and you didn't kiss back.

Today, I still celebrate you and the 85 years that you should have had... until we meet again.

I love you mama.

11-25-23/10-23-05

So lets celebrate with a little punany... poetry that is. In case you don't know, "punany" is an Afro-Caribbean slang term for vagina, and is also the name of a group of poets and a project, started in Oakland, CA, that "celebrate female sexuality and promote safer sex and sexual empowerment through erotic literature and theatrics." Headed by founder Jessica Holter, the Punany Poets work to bring awareness about the ways in which black women are affected by HIV/AIDS, through their live theater and non-profit organization AFACTA. They also highlight other important issues, such as sexual abuse and poverty and celebrate self love, alternative lifestyles and the power of the punany. You can see why they are the center of my thesis! In addition to their live shows and organization, there are also books of poetry, DVDs and CDs.

The following video showcases Jessica Holter at her best. She performs a poem from her book Verbal Penetration, where she recalls accounts of her molestation and informs the audience of why she writes. When I first saw her perform this on the group's The Second Sin DVD I was blown away. I thought, wow, she writes for the same reasons that I write. I wanted to share it with you because I feel that she may also write for some of the same reasons as some of you.

Revolution of a Poet - Jessica Holter - Verbal Penetration

All of that talk about favorite Thanksgiving dishes and desserts got me thinking about other sweets that I enjoy. My favs never have to come after a meal. Sometimes, they are the meal. Here is one that has many renditions, and whose standard recipe hugs and kisses my soul each time I have a bowl. Good old Banana Pudding. I made some last week and indulged until there was none left. This is one of the simplest desserts to throw together and has just a few basic ingredients.

1. Bananas
2. Jello Vanilla Pudding
3. Nilla Wafers
4. Milk

That's it! This dish is a layered concoction of yummy greatness. Here's what you do...

Place a layer of cookies on the bottom of the container of your choice. Then slice bananas and layer over the cookies. Repeat these steps until your container is full. As you can see, I ran out of cookies at the last minute, but that's ok. You can end with cookies on top or bananas, whatever you'd like. It starts out kind of like a banana cookie parfait. Then you will take your Vanilla Pudding and just follow the package directions, which call for about 1/2 cup of milk. This will be poured over the layers to finish the dish. There are two types of Vanilla Pudding that you can buy, Cook n Serve or Instant. If you are going to go with Instant you will have to have a keen eye, as it will thicken quickly. You DO NOT want the pudding to be too thick because if so, you'll end up with pudding on top and dry krispy cookies on the bottom. With either, you will have to stir stir stir until the pudding starts to coat the spoon and then pour.

Refrigerate, then enjoy!

Just as I promised, here I am. Captured in time and not just allowed, but encouraged to embody a totally different spirit. Telling a story through my personality and someone else's strands. Someone else's expression of black beauty. Someone else's profession...

To experience more of this beautiful stranger and others from the shoot, click here to take a peak into my Flawless Editorial Photoshoot gallery on Myspace. No retouching or bells and whistles have been added. They are all fresh off the photographer's camera. I am looking forward to seeing which of my shots get chosen for the magazine, what they chose to enhance and how it all comes together in a few months.

To participate in Friday Fill-ins click here.

1. The last band I saw live was Usher in concert, which technically isn't a band, but he has a band though.

2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is eating some really good food and finding a little bit of peace.

3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is going to be non-existent.

4. Thoughts of a fight for survival fill my head.

5. I wish I could wear my hair completely natural.

6. Bagpipes remind me of saddness.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to doing some deep breathing to refocus my energy, tomorrow my plans include work, work, work and Sunday, I want to have accomplished the things that I set out to!

I have succeeded in getting sick. It always happens when there is a sudden change in the weather. Rain one week, hot summer like days the next, then humid sunless days the next... Now I am sneezing all over the place and battling sinus pressure, along with a stuffy, runny nose. I need to result to some holistic healing because I can't even afford to think about trying to get hold of any OTC meds. All of this couldn't have come at a better time, as I have a 20 PAGE DRAFT DUE THIS FRIDAY!

So, yeah, that's really what I came here to tell you. I am gonna have to take a short vacation from you this week because I have until 3pm Friday to get this mock thesis completed and I have to really buckle down and crank it out. Then on top of that I think we are gonna have to do peer reviews next week. As if I really wanna spend a bunch of time reviewing TWO 20 page papers in addition to fine tuning my own next week. This whole thing can't be over fast enough for me. I'd much rather produce mindless banter any day than have to be all academic. My brain just doesn't wanna go there, but this week I must force it.

I will be back Friday evening to participate in Friday Fill-ins, catch up on all that you have been up to this week, AND to share those photoshoot photos with you. Yep, Wildboy emailed me today and told me that he had them ready for me.

Wish me luck!

For most folks, Thanksgiving is all about the bird, but for me, turkey is the last thing that my taste buds crave. I am most content when my plate is overflowing with dressing (not to be confused with stuffing) topped with cranberry sauce and a piece of sweet potato pie on the side. That right there is like heaven to me. Sure, I like all the fixings that get passed around the table, but I keep a set eye on that dressing, always make sure to have a surplus of cranberry sauce on hand and let my grandma know while the mixer is still beating potatoes that I will be taking at least two pies home with me.

This year, my kitchen will be the site of spices, potatoes, pie crust, and other ingredients as I retry my hand at my old favorites. I will resist the urge to call my grandma to walk me through the simple preparation and call on Essence Magazine to do that instead. I found a Sweet Potato Pie recipe to add to my collection. I will also be whipping up some dressing, greens, and chicken breast, instead of turkey. I am looking forward to welcoming my grandparents to my table for a glass of Martinelli's and a wonderful feast.

What are your favorite Thanksgiving dishes?

America's next top model, at your service! Ok, it will be more like, America's next top Bar B once Flawless Magazine hits beauty salons next year. Oh. My. Goodness. I had sooo much fun at the photoshoot yesterday ya'll. I know the bob-gone-wild and the dramatic makeup are a little much, but boy did I look good it all look good on camera. My stylist decided that the theme of the shoot would be African warriors and queens. My stylist, who goes by the name of Wildboy when he is in the zone, his son, myself and another woman were all transformed by beautiful makeup and a killer wardrobe created by Wildboy's friend Tim.

Wildboy and son were adorned in elaborate shirts made of fur, leather and cowry shells and skirts and leg bracelets made of old hula skirts straw. Add some dreds, an extra fly mohawk with tribal designs and some bows and spears and you've got a couple of handsome tribal warriors. Then there were the queens. Val was rocking a long flowy brown skirt with a leather belt decorated with branches and cowry shells, while smothering her girls in coconuts. Yes, Miss Lady was working it out in a bra made of coconut shells, branches and cowry shells. It was pretty hot.

And as for the woman of the hour... yours truly... the fabulously beautiful Ms. Bar B? I also had a long flowy brown skirt and a corset made of leather, branches and cowry shells. I thought my halloween corset was something. Everytime I bent forward two centimeters I was cracking all over the place. One of the branches on the back of the corset was poking me in the butt during some poses and we almost succeeded in gluing my eye shut while applying false eyelashes... like I said, that shoot was sooo much fun! At the end of the shoot we were sweeping up branches and straw from everywhere we went throughout the building, hehe. I can't wait to get the pictures so that I can share them with you. And when the magazine is available I will let you all know so that you can see the whole tribal party.

The nation-wide protest against California's Prop 8 is underway. In case you don't know, Prop 8 was a measure placed on the ballot to ban same-sex marriage, and unfortunately, the measure passed. Just as similar measures passed in Arizona, Florida and Arkansas (the one in Arkansas also banning same-sex couples the right to adopt children). I had originally chosen not to talk about the passing of Prop 8 because it angered and disappointed me in such a way that my thoughts about those who have been rallying to treat a portion of the population as second class citizens is a bit irrational. I didn't want to offend those who may have supported Prop 8 and other measures like it, however, at the end of the day, I have to take a page from the book of the Immoral Matriarch and remember that this here is my space to discuss whatever I feel like discussing and that those who do not agree or feel offended have the choice not to read it.

I am a PROUD supporter of gay marriage and an ally to the Queer community. I do not believe that anyone should be denied their civil rights. This is clearly a civil rights/human rights issue and people seem to see it as solely a religious one. I thought there was suppose to be a separation between church and state, but obviously not, since in order for one to even be eligible to lead this country one has to be a Christian and not a Muslim. Its just all really ridiculous to me. The ways in which history works in a circular motion; repeating itself. As the story goes, in this country, there was once a time when blacks could not marry other blacks and people of color could not marry whites. Now that these rights have been granted to these groups, the nation has a new minority to oppress under the law. That is why we have to stand up and fight for equality. Barack may have made history and a progressive step toward the possibility of positive race relations, but the truth is, we still have a hell of a long way to go before this will truly be one nation under all.

If you'd like to dig out your inner activist and take to the streets in support of the rights of our fellow brothers and sisters I encourage you to check out Join the Impact for more information AND to find out when and where the fight is taking place in your state/city. Remember, the banning of same-sex marriage isn't really about morality, keeping with traditions and preserving the word "marriage", its about exclusion and keeping a divide between "us" and "them". THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!! We must all do our parts if we really want to see change. We must recognize that as Eva of SASSY Women Online has pointed out, "civil rights is an EVERYONE'S issue."

To participate in Friday Fill-ins click here.

1. Please feel free to love me unconditionally.
2. When I get a new scented candle in the house I can't help sniffing it occasionally.
3. My favorite thing to cook is anything that has a little soul.
4. Good music is something I can't get enough of.
5. That's the thing I love most about being a single mommy, nobody else gets my hugs and kisses.
6. Watching MTV always makes me think to myself, what the heck?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending the night all by myself, tomorrow my plans include getting all beautified for a photo shoot and Sunday, I want to relax, but instead the thesis will win again!

Last week, while standing in line at a place I absolutely HATE and will not name, a man standing to my right was having a conversation with someone about how much he hates prescription medication. I could kind of feel him on preferring to be med free because that's how I roll too. I don't believe that I need to take a pill each and every day of my life to be ok, especially when that pill doesn't even work. And especially because taking a pill isn't going to change my physical reality. I do believe that some mental disorders require a "drug for life" plan to stay safe and sane, but not all, and I am in the not-all category.

So anyway, as the line inched along I could do nothing but continue to listen in on his conversation and continue to secretly agree with him, that is, until he said...

If God, and my weed, and my crack can't keep me cool, then I don't need nothing else.

I immediately flipped my SideKick and jotted this revelation down. I had to. It was one of those "What The Fuck" moments. Who in their right mind would actually tell someone, everyone in the vicinity, that they are a well and functioning crackhead?? I have heard a bus load of folks admit to being weed heads without shame, but never a shameless crackhead, NEVER. And since when did crack become a prescription med substitute? Probably around the same time that they started handing out medicinal marijuana cards to mothafuckas that ain't even sick! And about that marijuana, why is being a weed head cool??

Listen, I know that times are extra bad right now, and for some, good times are a rare occurrence, but damn! There comes a time when we just have to put the blunts and crack pipes down and receive the help that people offer. Doesn't matter if you actually want to stop or not, you have to realize that you are addicted and stop lying to yourself and those around you. If you're ingesting stuff for no damn reason at all, but to run away from problems that are still gonna be there whenever you come down from your high, then guess what? You are addicted. Ok!! And you know what else? That shit isn't cute, or cool, or anything else other than a cry for help and we hear you.

Just when I was about to swear off watching the news past the weather forecast forever, I heard and saw something that made me smile. Apparently, little Miss Obama was sporting the threads of an Oakland, Ca based children's clothing manufacturer called Biscotti, the night that her daddy made history. Oakland gets so much bad press and I am happy to hear that now Biscotti's dresses are flying off to retailers who are getting an overwhelming amount of orders for what they are now calling the "Malia dress". I think the actual article can tell the story much better than I can, so go here to see how the owner realized that her dress was on the back of the new first daughter.

Teeth seem to be dropping in my house like flies. Miss J. looks so funny different without her trademark smile. She wiggled that tooth until I was able to wiggle it completely out and tuck it away in a safe place to await the tooth fairy mommy to get a little extra cash.

I don't think she minds the new space since she could see the new tooth as soon as the old one came out.


I thought about getting her Kindergarten pictures retaken this Friday when the company comes back for round two. The original set has some shadowing that I am not too crazy about, and if we do, these pictures will mark this milestone in her little life. Even though I can put a whole finger in that space, I think she is still picture perfect.

Yeah, but what's the time limit on temporary?

I have a confession to make. I am not ok today. I haven't been ok for at least a few weeks and counting. I am not ok academically. I am not ok financially. I am not ok personally. I am not ok mentally. And from what I read today over at My Brown Baby, not being ok has gone national.

What T. of Tea N Honey Bread has labled "the taupes" is now upon me. As I said, it has been present for a while, I have just been trying to ignore it. Trying to channel my inner strength and work around it. Today, I am no longer in denial. There is no "working around it". You don't happen to "the taupes", they happen to you, which means that no matter how hard you try, the feelings and situation is not under your control. Thinking of putting that last line on a business card to hand out to everyone who is currently expecting me to be performing at my best.

I have been dealing with depression since before I had a clinical term to place on feelings that I thought were normal. Not diagnosed until my pregnancy, I had been dealing with many things by tucking them away in my subconscious. All of that ended once therapy began. The shrinks failed to mention that once they opened up the memory levies that they weren't gonna actually provide me the tools to put it all back together again. They just left my ass out in the flood waters knowing that I can't swim. Luckily I found a piece of drift wood and drifted on into the blogosphere.

I sooo don't have time to be in this state of being right now. There is sooo much to do. Miss J.'s hair needs to be combed out. The majority of it is a nest of tiny little spiral curls that have been pulled up into her famous puff and a small fraction lies in three plait that have been semi prepped for the blow dryer. The laundry is sitting here haunting me. The week isn't gonna wait for me to get my shit together; the baby needs clothes in order to head back to school on Wednesday and I could use some too. Then there is the thesis. I gotta tell you, its not looking too good. The professor asked for a 10 page draft this Friday and so far I haven't produced anything. 10 pages wasn't even a set number, she just wants us to write so that the ball is continously in motion on our projects. For this reason, the draft was not going to be graded, just critiqued. I have sources and information that have been read and some that have not. Ideas that are trapped in my mind. A brain that is currently dysfunctional.

I am being asked to speak with a voice that is foreign to me. I somehow feel like I haven't been trained to do this even though I know I have. Its pretty hard to make a clear argument when you are unable to organize your thoughts, or simply when you don't have any thoughts to organize. I am hoping that my brain will get the relief it needs soon because I need to have a completed project by December 15th. Not to mention all of the other areas in my life that really need me right now.

To this day, I do NOT remember what the heck we were laughing at. All I know is that a birthday was being celebrated and drinks were involved. It was the birthday of the sister of the friend who is pictured here laughing her head off right next to me. Jay must have been telling us one of his crazy, hilarious, freaky tales again. We were at a bar that is located near my house and obviously living in an incredible moment of happiness.

To participate in Shutter Click & Chat Sunday visit Tea N Honey Bread.