Are you familiar with the Strong Black Woman Syndrome? Many of us have it. We hold the weight of the world on our shoulders because, often times, we are the only one's who seem to be able to get things done. What we don't realize is that, we also place ourselves in this position a lot of the time when we don't necessarily have to, and by doing so, we put our physical and mental health in danger.

Join me over at Moms of Hue to talk more about the Death of a Black Woman. You may spot a little piece of someone you may know, or a little piece of yourself, even if you are not of hue.

Its almost time to start anew. "To start anew." That has so many different meanings, doesn't it? For some, it means setting new goals and working toward them, yet, for others it means a complete overhaul of the self and its properties. I'm still in the process of figuring out exactly what "to start anew" should mean for me. There are definitely areas of my life that need work, and frustratingly, areas that will always be a work in progress. Nonetheless, like most everyone else, and like always, I will strive to become a better me... ironically, I think this is the area that is always a work in progress.

I know I'm not alone on that one. In the new year, I'm going to simply try harder to put myself first. Reading Denene's take on New Years Resolutions, I was reminded that as long as I stay true to myself and my beliefs, becoming a better me could be a relatively painless process, because "to start anew" really isn't about making unrealistic goals that will cause me to hate myself when I don't accomplish them, but rather, about living each day to its greatest potential and owning my worth in the midst of it all. I think I'm up for the challenge.

I found a wonderful designer to give A Place of Comfort a complete makeover. And when I say wonderful designer, I really do mean wonderful designer. Not just her skill, but her character. While she designs blogs for profit, she also designs blogs for charity, creating special spaces for people who are blogging about the work they do in their communities and for folks like me who blog for therapeutic reasons. Its a beautiful thing to care enough to give someone a custom space where they can make a difference in their own lives and the lives of others. Yes, Louise of Adori Graphics is one of a kind, and I am looking very forward to working with her in 2010. In fact, when she is done with this place, it wont even be A Place of Comfort anymore, but the new home of A Disordered Life, because that is exactly what my life is, and as part of being true to myself, its time for me to truly own that. I'm hoping to be courageous enough to integrate this and a private blog that I created this year. I'm slowly realizing that a huge part of healing is letting your demons out of the closet, so, I will inevitably kick fear in the ass and air my dirty laundry in hopes of chasing total metamorphosis, because... silence is so lame.

The rest will be determined as the year progresses. I'm just looking forward to watching my little girl flourish in the second half of 1st grade, growing in my relationship and buckling down into a career that I can be proud of... and most importantly, allowing myself space, love and recovery.

I felt like Arnold and Sinbad in the movie Jingle All the Way as I called every Target in my area trying to track down a last minute gift for Miss J, and then traveled to 4 stores to get all the last minute stuff I needed for tomorrow. That wasn't really on my Christmas Eve agenda, but that's what happens when your Christmas shopping money becomes available at the last possible second. I thought the last bit of my Christmas joy had died yesterday, but it took some breaths this morning and was removed from life support.

So, crisis narrowly avoided and the cheer and smiles will shine brightly tomorrow as Miss J and I awake with our grandparents and celebrate this time together.

I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

Got my final paper into my professor's box, and finished my last semester at Cal.

I have been bouncing back and forth between the thesis and that lil' ole 5 page final paper for the last 3 days. I.Am.Tired! And still not finished with the thesis. I'm about 8 pages into it, so me and it will be spending a lot of time together tomorrow so I can make another trip up to campus on Friday to hand it in. But its all good, because I wont be returning to Cal, and that makes me happy. I still have two more papers to write before January 12th, but its all good, because I wont be returning to Cal, and that makes me happy. I have that math class to tackle, but... say it with me... Its all good, because I WONT BE RETURNING TO CAL, and THAT makes me HAPPY!!!!

Seriously. I does.

The wonderful Karen, a fellow natural Bay Area sistah, runs the website and blog, Naturally Beautiful Hair. She showcases the beauty of natural hair and handmade goods through photographs, artwork, and reviews. She also likes to feature the styles of her readers. I happen to rock a style that Karen found fierce enough to highlight on her blog, and for that I am delighted. It always makes me feel good when my short cut or my mini-afro is noticed in a positive way. As you all know, that isn't always the case when it comes to natural hair styles, so when I come across bloggers like Karen, I flock to them, trying to soak up all of their natural hair wisdom, and am eager to submerge myself within the community of the happily nappy.

So, if you are interested in checking out Karen and her beautiful artwork, hair photos, goods, and ME, click here, and explore.

Back indoors yesterday evening, recalling her school day, Miss J exclaimed, with that Miss J smile on her face, "everyone liked my afro mommy."

My last semester at Cal... well... as soon as I turn in the last of my papers next week. The last day of classes for me was on Thursday, as this week is suppose to be dedicated to studying for finals. I don't have any finals, so this week will be dedicated to completing my final paper for this semester's class, and organizing and compiling my thesis. I realized that I actually don't have to complete the other two papers before the end of this semester, but before the beginning of the next instead, so that took some weight off of my shoulders. So, once again, as I approach the end of 2009, I am one step closer to earning my degree. Looks like it will be my birthday gift to myself in the Spring after I've tackled survived aced that Statistics class.

I feel a little indifferent about the whole thing right now. I wont be fully satisfied or feel fully accomplished until I have that piece of paper in my hand. However, I can actually see the finish line now. I can actually start making some moves without being tied down to a classroom or boxed into the title of "student." I'm ready to part with it for a while. I'm sure that I will return for my Masters after a much needed break, IF its necessary in advancing which ever career I choose. For now, I'm ready to take advantage of generating income and taking out time just for myself. I can't wait!

1. You get so many unexpected rewards when you are someone's mother.

2. Reading theorists is a drag because they never get right to the point.

3. It's Hammer time.

4. The recent UC tuition fee hike is absolutely ridiculous!

5. I feel more stress than joy these days.

6. Hugs, kisses, sweet dreams...goodnight!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to joining a friend at her company's Christmas party, tomorrow my plans include getting to work on paper 2 of 5 and Sunday, I want to seclude myself for more paper writing!

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