Where do I even begin...
In the course of attempting to set visitation, physical contact and verbal communication boundaries and guidelines between myself, Miss J and her dad, it all resulted in more of the same. Him first agreeing to these guidelines, but then not respecting the boundaries set and instead trying to overpower and threaten me...
In a final meeting with the advocate from the Family Violence Law Center, I found out that my situation DOES NOT qualify for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. Since he has not physically hurt me or threatened to do so within the last 3-6 months, their center can not assist me. And although their website mentions that they help with "custody" issues as well as restraining orders, they can not assist me with that either, but she did referred me to other law centers, and associates and legal clinics who may be able to.
The common theme between the advocates and the police is "custody", so my next legal option and quest is to file for sole custody of my daughter. This is the only way to free myself from his control and to also free my daughter from this dysfunction.
After making an appointment to speak with an attorney on campus for some legal advice, talking to a few other parents who have gone through the process and getting a stern talking-to, loving support and valuable advice from the woman on campus who none of us parents would be able to survive the Cal experience without, I have decided to breathe. I have decided to change my phone number this week. I have decided to place his ass in the back of my mind. I have decided that I will not let him take my degree from me. I have decided that I will continue to seek advice from legal clinics and pick up the custody paperwork. I have decided to call his bluff. I have decided to deal with the custody process if he decides to file for joint custody before I earn my degree or before I find a job, as it will look better on my part (as if his part could possibly look better than mine) if I had my degree and a job before seeking sole custody so that I can further prove that I am capable of caring for and raising my child without any of his contribution. I have decided that we will relocate to a safe and unknown location once I have completely my final courses. I have decided that we deserve happiness.
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As I sat down in the office of "the woman on campus who none of us parents would be able to survive the Cal experience without", in hopes that she would be able to give me some kind of advice or list of resources that would just make him disappear out of our lives forever, or at least until Miss J's 18th birthday, I first checked in to see if she was extremely busy with more important matters. Turns out, she was. She was visiting the website of a Cal graduate student who was asking for donations for his son who was hit by a car on Friday. "Frank Cruz?" I said.
That name sounds really familiar. Then she said something else and I yelled out, "WAIT! Frank Cruz. I know him!". "His son was hit by a truck", she said. "Oh my God, is he ok?" And then she said it. "No... he didn't make it". And then I lost it.
Miss J, and Zachary Michael Cruz first met when they were a year old. At the birthday party of a mutual friend. We had hell getting all 3 to stay put on the couch long enough to take this picture. You had the birthday girl, Miss Katie, my Jalia, who was 2 seconds away from breaking out into her Halle Berry ugly cry, and then you had the sweet and sensitive Zach. Who wanted to stay close to dad, who wasn't cool with all that loud clapping and happy dancing going on at the party, who just wanted to stay to himself and peep the scene a bit. But who blossomed into a fearless, bright smile having, huge heart possessing, sports loving, "Hey Barbara, guess what" telling, most wonderful little boy that you could have ever known. It was impossible not to fall in love with someone as special and precious as Zach.
On Friday, February 27, 2009, Zach was hit by a truck while on his way to an after school program with other students and a teacher. It is believed that he died instantly since he could not be revived by those who tried to give him CPR on the scene. He was a happy Kindergartener and would have celebrated his 6th birthday on March 12th.
I was crushed by the news and my heart aches. It aches for his family, it aches because his life was cut short and it aches for my daughter, because I am going to have to explain to her that the friend we saw just a couple of weeks ago in the Apple store, is now no longer alive. I will have to remind, both myself and her, to remember all the good times that we were able to spend with him, and to remember how much he said that he was enjoying his new school and his time in Kindergarten. We will have to remember those times and to keep him in our hearts forever.
In memory of Zach, his parents have created a website, and they are asking for donations to help with the cost of Zach's funeral services. I am opening my heart here and asking you to please help this family with anything that you can. It would be so gratefully appreciated. If you can, please help Frank and Jodie Cruz put "our" Zach to rest by visiting
www.zacharymichaelcruz.com. And then tell a friend, and hopefully that friend will tell a friend, and so on.
I thank you so much in advance.
