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Showing posts with label tweet. Show all posts

Tweet Tweet 9

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado


- Today marks the conclusion of the 1st grade for Miss J. She's been really excited about her accomplishments and I've been really proud. This school year has definitely had its ups and downs, but it has ended in improvement and happiness. I'm already looking forward to her fresh start of 2nd grade, but first we're gonna try to get in some relaxation and summer fun, starting in about 2 1/2 hours.

- I'm busy at work on new Baby Squares. I have a pretty pink and a pretty lavender that will be added to the shop as soon as I can get some good pictures, also a glance at the pretty custom purple that I'm working on. Hopefully I will be busy at work on a 9-5 soon.

- I've been thinking about selfishness and selflessness. About the people in my life who are selfish and those who are selfless. And more importantly, about the people in my daughter's life who are selfish and those who are selfless. I've come to the conclusion that those who are selfish need to be eliminated. I realize that with each passing year, I grow a little less patient for people who only see themselves in the world.

Five years ago I asked two of my good friends if they would do the honors of becoming my daughter's Godparents; they accepted. It wasn't a decision that I came to lightly. I had survived middle and high school with one of these people and had known the other since elementary school, these two people knew me extremely well, and were trusted with my life, and so trusted with my daughter's. I did not ask them solely because we were good friends, but because I truly believed that these two people loved my daughter and would always be capable of expressing that love to her. For a while, it was so. Aside from our usual time spent together, they were present for birthdays and holidays. God-dad has always taken pride in his God-daughter. He has always been more than happy to be present or called on. My general issue isn't with him, but with the person who eagerly accepted the role as God-mother in my daughter's life. The same person who years later, confessed that she actually doesn't like children. The same person that made my hungry daughter wait a 45 minute car ride to eat because she didn't allow any eating in her new car, the same person who ignored an email that I sent asking her to write my daughter, her God-daughter, a letter with some well wishes for her future to commemorate her 7th birthday - and when confronted simply said "I'll pass". Yeah, that bitch. I have a huge problem with that bitch.

In no way did I ever view the roles of God-parents as "stand ins" for actual parents. But I did view God-parents as people who took a deep interest in a child and cared about his or her well being. That bitch's complete dismissal of my request was really like a slap in the face to both me and my baby... and those who send a slap in the face to my baby get more than just the "stare" or the "side eye", they get the fucking wrath. So, for now, here is my message to her...




(note: scroll down to the bottom of the blog to pause the music player. Enjoy the video)

What's new with you?

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Tweet Tweet 8

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado


- I've reached a stage of hair abandonment. I've succeeded in abandoning both my hair and Ms. J's. I'm not keeping my TWA moisturized like I should, and I have repeatedly pushed back Ms. J's wash date for the past couple, possibly few weeks. I'm trying to rise to the occasion today by adding some moisture to my brittle strands and by giving Ms. J's curls some much needed cleansing, conditioning and box braiding. Stress is taking a toll on haircare around here. I'm actually considering cutting mine low again and starting over. Nothing wrong with that. Although I have been enjoying the play with hair accessories, I think that to be bald and beautiful yet again would just work better, and I would feel far less guilt about the neglect these curls have been enduring, and then there are the cute heart designs that I never had the chance to get cut into my caesar. We'll see.

- I did not get the position that I was up for with the agency. I was a little disappointed, but it is what it is. I can now say that I have went the agency route and still didn't get a job. So, its on to the next search, which happens to be on hold until I figure out that whole brake situation with the car. As if I really needed another thing to figure out.

- The second issue of Babygirlz Magazine is now live! We have a new interface for easier navigation and some great new articles. We have 3 guest high schoolers who dropped some great knowledge for their peers in this issue. Please encourage the young women and girls in your life to stop by and give us a stroll.

I think that's it for now. The rest of my random thoughts contain lots of frustration and irritation.

What's on your mind today?

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Tweet Tweet 7

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado

- So, first of all, thank you all for your continued support and positive energy. Its so appreciated. We have been able to take a break from the happenings at grandma's, thanks to a wonderful mama bear. Community is working overtime for us and we are grateful. Its still not very fun having our belongings split between two places and feeling like we are crowding spaces and feeling silly for feeling that way when we are constantly being reassured that we are welcomed. I don't really know why I say "we", because it is "I" who can't help feeling unsettled. Miss J is riding this experience out just fine, her little adventurous spirit wouldn't view it any other way.

- I thought I had come to a crossroads in my hair journey. I decided that I wanted to grow it out this year, but then I got thrown out of my routine, the nice warm weather came and I suddenly wanted to chop it all off again. I always do this to myself. I'll fall in live with both my curls and my potential waves, and will be simultaneously happy and sad when I choose potential waves over curls. Well, this time I chose my curls. I went in to see Wildboy and settled on a fresh line to define my TWA (teeny weeny afro). Then I went to the beauty supply store and went crazy. I restocked Miss J's barrette collection and picked up some cute beads, along with some Eco Styler Gel for myself. I'm gonna see if I can fight this funk with some cuteness!

- I kinda miss book reading. With all this "freetime", I should be curled up somewhere, surrounded by books. But, this isn't really "freetime" now is it?

And, what's up with you?

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Tweet Tweet 6

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado

- There aren't enough adjectives to describe just how wonderful the female collective that I am a part of truly is. Last night was spent with some of the most amazing women that I know. I am privileged to call them friends, and honored to call them family. Food, drinks, laughs, tears, lessons on rhetoric, hellos and good-byes.

- Love, patience, understanding and acceptance conquers all. That's my new relationship motto. I'm finding that my Kipenzi and I fight hard at times (equally responsible), but we love even harder. At the end of the day, that is what's going to continue to take us from being good together to being great together.

- Awesome Etsy activity! I've been crocheting up a storm, and running out of yarn. Can't wait to restock the supplies so I can add more greatness to the shop. I was so overjoyed to hear that my latest sell was well received. A happy foster mom and two happy little newborns =)

- Exactly one more week until the big move. Things are progressing slowly, but all will be well.

What's going on with you?

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Tweet Tweet 5

Courtesy of T.Allen-Mercado


- Its hard to really sum up into words how I feel after attending Miss J's grandmother's funeral. Hearing the contents of her obituary, the details of her life, made me feel like I was robbed in some way. I did not know her well, and learning little family insights made me wish I had gotten the opportunity to. Both Miss J's dad, and my sister in-law have amazing brown slanted eyes. I often think of my sister in-law as a china doll, especially when she puts on her makeup.


I mean, this picture doesn't even do her eyes justice because she is widening them by looking up. These eyes were inherited from her mother, who I learned was nick named Kitty Kat, taken from Katherine, because she was the only child out of her siblings to have cat-like eyes, and those cat-like eyes changed colors. Just that bit of information deeply touched me. I found myself staring down at a woman who shared the same face as my daughter, and with that, I felt a sense of loss.

- I'm really starting to fall deeper and deeper in love with styling Miss J's hair. Just all the possibilities of it. These days, I just can't speak enough about hair. Miss J's hair has been in the same plaits from our combing out session, and this morning I only had enough time to restyle the front section, but thanks to the blog Beads, Braids and Beyond, I was able to come up with something really creative for the back braids.

Thanks to the recommended website from Nikki of Beads, Braids and Beyond, I was able to FINALLY figure out the correct order to grab hair to make an efficient cornrow! Thank you Nikki!! I gathered Miss J's older back braids into a large french braid, and placed some barrettes on it. She was pleased and so was I.

- I haven't really been in the best of moods lately. Moments of temporary contentment, but nothing that sticks. To live in such a fast paced world, my sub-world sure seems to be moving in slow motion right now.

What happens to be on your mind today?

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Tweet Tweet 4

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado

- Critically thinking and re-thinking methodology on the thesis. I have a few weeks to pull it all together. I've decided to draw some inspiration from research papers past. According to them, my passion and expertise lie within black female sexuality, the body, and sex as work. Hmmm... thought they would reveal more of a variety of interest. But nope, Punany it is. We'll see what happens at the end of page 20.

- I appreciated hearing Rihanna's story on 20/20 last week. I hope that, one day, the mental scars will heal. Also, I'm a tad bit tired of hearing Chris chalk the whole experience up to being "young"... and quit calling it a mistake. Please. Makes it sound more like an accident than a crime. But whatever.

- Been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that we need to start having a lot more fun around my house. We get all caught up in the day to day - school, home, homework, sleep, repeat. We need to get out and have some experiences. Gonna make an effort to incorporate weekly fun... beginning this week.

- As I admire the work of my friends, and look back over my time in front of the camera, I remember that its a great way to have some "me" time. Getting all glammed up, and being focused on. I always walk away feeling extra beautiful and extremely special. Guess its time that I call up my friend for a shoot.

What's up in your world?

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Tweet Tweet 3

Courtesy of T. Allen-Mercado.


- Life can be planned, but it always remains unpredictable... Tonight, my Kipenzi told me that one of his coworkers committed suicide. I didn't have words for him, but I mustered up an "I'm sorry" and a "wanna talk?" He both accepted and declined. Having the next two nights off will hopefully give him time to at least process what has happened. I can imagine the difficulty of dealing with the stress of pay cuts, furloughs, and mandatory overtime; coupled with the stress of manning a population of inmates. It all starts to weigh on the psychy.

- While my tasks appear manageable, what is being demanded of me makes me doubt my abilities. Those "back of the mind" thoughts have made their way to the front and have put down roots. They aren't the thoughts that are produced solely by fear and anxiety, but those that are the product of not having a strong enough support network. The fact that I have 'been here and done this' makes the whole situation frustrating.

That's all for now... what's up with you?

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Tweet Tweet 2


Courtesy of Tameka... allow me to think aloud once more.

- So, let me get this straight. Cal is actually blocking class registration and withholding financial aid payouts because their students who rely on financial aid payouts do not have the money to pay fees and charges that are normally paid by financial aid payouts? Ok then... watch for us in the trees bitches!

- Am I really this terrified about taking a math class? So terrified that I can't even bring myself to enroll in one? Really? WTF is my problem? Oh yeah... I'M TERRIFIED OF FAILING, and looking stupid, and representing women in math badly, and remembering that I haven't set foot in a math class since high school, and hearing all of the 'I told ya soes' about taking that math class instead of this one at this school instead of that one. Again, WTF is my problem?

- Is it really possible to find a decent paying job that will allow me to pay all of my back rent so that the University will actually release me from my indentured servitude? Is it really possible to give my income from said fantastical job to said mountain of debt AND be able to afford to relocate? Hmmmm...

- I wonder if I hurt the creditor's feelings when I hung up the phone in his face the other day? Well... I did tell him to have a nice day before introducing him to my friend 'click'.

- How could a little girl manage to have a hole in at least one knee of every fucking pair of jeans she owns??? That would be because she's "my" little girl! Back to school shopping is going to be so much fun.

- If I didn't think I was fat before, the fact that my thighs created so much friction while on vacation that I contemplated walking wide-legged like I had a stick up my ass, proved to me that I'm now like 60% fat and only 40% Phat.

- Speaking of being pretty & plump... I need some new clothes!! How come there isn't anyone to take me 'back to school' shopping? Or 'job hunting' shopping? Oooh, and how about 'MILF' shopping here?

What's on your mind today?

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Tweet Tweet


Although I remain Twitter resistant, at any given time, I have an abundance of tweet-worthy thoughts dancing around my head in intervals. So, today I'm borrowing T. Allen-Mercado's Not Quite Twitter creation to cyber-think aloud. Feel free to jump on board, T has given us her permission.

- I had my first day of Precalculus today and I sat there staring at the equations as if they were a foreign language. To folks in the humanities and the social sciences, THEY ARE! I haven't taken a math class in 7 years, and while I actually enjoyed Geometry and Algebra and Math Analysis, but a lot has happened since those days, its taking me a minute to get back into arithmatic mode.

- Miss J's dad, other half, sperm donor started inappropriately texting me again. The usual "lets be together/we need to be together/come be with me." I didn't respond, nor did I bother to answer his phone calls this weekend. And then today, he sends me a picture of his brand new baby boy. I guess that would explain why he offered to give me full custody of his daughter in exchange for not having to pay child support. Sooooo, he wants to save his money and put it toward his newest investment?

- Wow, Chris Brown was offered and accepted a plea deal? And was given 5 years probation and no jail time for what he did to Rihanna? Really?

- I'm indecisive about growing my hair out. One minute I wanna keep it short, the next minute I am loving my curls... I'm getting my 4th hair cut on Wednesday. I think I'm gonna go short and sassy for the summer and then break out my curling gel and afro pick come fall.

That's all for now. What's on your mind?

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