Have you stepped back and taken a look at your coterie lately? The people who are in your inner circle; the people that you spend the most time with? Even the folks whom you network with on a regular basis? Do you take time out to let them know how incredible they are? I really appreciate my friends, my sisters, my family for keeping me going, and for reminding me of my greatness, even when I am convinced that it does not exist. Its so hard to see past the darkness and the distress, and the majority of the time, its hard to strip the negative self talk of its grand powers. However, when inspiration lies all around you, it becomes a little bit easier to grab hold to it.

My good friend, Geraldine, was recently interviewed by a local news station about life as a student parent at UC Berkeley, given the recent financial crisis, budget cuts and fee increases. She does a beautiful job telling her story, and that of so many others, who are combining academia with family life under these conditions. She is an example of the tenacious student parent spirit. I am so proud of every single accomplishment of the women in my life. That includes YOU too!

Remember when I talked about wanting to switch things up over here? Well, my name is approaching the top of the waiting list and I'm excited. I was fortunate enough to be referred to a very generous designer. Louise, of Adori Graphics, does some mighty cute and creative work, and in her spare-spare time, she even does free blog makeovers. Taking into account those of us who blog for therapy and/or for charities, Louise does, what she calls, Community Spirit and Write From The Heart Makeovers. I am looking forward to sharing a new space with all of you very soon. Along with the new design will also come a new name. Don't worry though, I'll let you know before the change so you don't think I just up and left you =).

In other news...

I got a couple of call backs from a couple of temp agencies. I have been unable to touch bases with the first of the two, so it was nice to have gotten the call from the second. I did a little research, and based on the description of the position on their website, it looks interesting. I wont really know just how interesting until I have talked with the agency, which I am planning to do come daylight. I am hoping that something comes through soon. Time is a little of the essence, and I need to start making some major moves very soon.

On a lighter note...

I completely enjoyed my birthday week. It was a real pick-me-up to the lows that I have been stuck in. Not saying those lows are now highs, but I am saying that I was reaching for the sky last week! Thank God for amazing friends!

Last week, Tara of The Young Mommy Life, did a post about how amazing the children of young moms are. She's absolutely right! Although some of us became parents before we were thought to be seasoned adults, we are dismantling more stereotypes everyday, and so are our kids.

Just this week, my friend Ms. Nico got some wonderful news from her son's school. He came home with a very posh invitation to the Junior National Young Leaders Conference in Washington, DC for this summer. This bright 11 year old boy was chosen by one of his teachers for this very special opportunity! Talk about amazing kids. And talk about an amazing Capitol Hill. The blogosphere has been abuzz lately with recent and upcoming trips to DC. Rue, of Outdoor Afro, just returned from a conference at the White House on African Americas in the great outdoors, Tara, of The Young Mommy Life, recently met with the Senate on behalf of us young moms, and our needs, to insure a brighter future for ourselves and our babies, and next month, Mama C of Mama C and the Boys will be in DC as part of a Mom Congress, discussing ways to "empower parents nationwide to become more involved in their children's schools".

As you can see, we are all up and through Washington with our concerns and ideas on how to make America a better place. I think the fact that Washington is reaching out to our little leaders of tomorrow is great. So, I am asking you to please help us get Ms. Nico's son to DC. While he was one of the chosen ones, it takes cash to get from California to DC, cash that his graduating single mama does not have. We do NOT want him to miss out on this opportunity because of the cost of transportation. Ms. Nico has created a Facebook fan page, in which you can track her son's progress in making this trip, AND where you can reach into your pockets and donate a little somethin' somethin' to make that happen.

Thank you all in advance!

So, upon looking at the millionth job ad on craigslist, I decided to branch out and give Monster.com a try. I put "entry-level" into the search, because, that's what I'm looking for, and up pops a wing of Monster called Monster College. Apparently, this little subdivision is supposed to be chalked full of helpful advice to those who are still in college and to those who have just graduated. I did find some positions that were not listed on craigslist, which was nice. However, I spotted something interesting near the bottom of the site. Oh, I should probably mention that Monster College is kind of like a networking site, as in, it's one of Monster.com's communities where folks can join and share resources. So, anyway, I was scrolling along, and I noticed a quiz/trivia question...

Click on the image above to see what the question was and share your thoughts (if you have any).

Youtube is proving to be a great research tool...

As my hair becomes fuller, and my curls become tighter, I become less fearful of styling outside the box. Granted, I am very low maintenance, which means that on any given day, I am spraying my hair with a little water to loosen the curls, and going on about my business. From time to time I have added gel to define my curls, but for the most part, I am very get-up-and-go, letting my spiral curls hide close to my scalp, while the rest of my length covers them like a frizzy cloud. Its just what works for me. However, since finding a series of videos by a fellow TWAer, I have been inspired to try something new. I mean, who new that you could style hair this short! While I can't cornrow to save my life, I thought that maybe I'd try my hand at some flat twists - they didn't turn out too bad for my first try.

My 26th is rapidly approaching, and while I have my own feelings about that, I put them aside to get out of the house for a while to join some friends for dinner and drinks. It was nothing big, but I still wanted to get all dolled up. Following Rimblu4's tutorial, I flat twisted one side of my hair, while twisting the rest. While the result was not completely the same as her's, I was still happy with it, and proud of myself for not being afraid to try something new.

Growth since 12/09 (shrunken curls)

Two strand twists
Three flat twists on one side and pinned up
Twisted out with a hair accessory.
After pulling the twists apart to make my fro bigger, I didn't have much definition, BUT, I did have less frizz than I would have if I hadn't done the twists.

I'm looking forward to seeing where my 'fro is by the end of the year!

Its so easy to forget days and dates, birthdays being no exception. Yesterday was my dad's birthday. Perhaps I didn't remember because I am wrapped up in myself, or perhaps its because he's no longer alive. I never remember that date either. Subconscious erasure? Perhaps.

Now ain't nobody tell us it was fair
No love from my daddy cause the coward wasn't there
He passed away and I didn't cry, cause my anger
wouldn't let me feel for a stranger - Tupac

I still feel Pac on this. The entire time that I knew my dad, he was in and out of jail. As a child, I had shoeboxes full of cards that he'd made me, letters he'd written me, all full of the same words. Promises to stay out of jail, reassurance that he loved me. He had a problem with following through though. He'd get out, visit me once or twice, and then the collect calls and letters resumed. This routine was one of normalcy. I was never the little girl, looking for daddy and his love. I knew where he was, and I learned early on how to interact with him from that place. As I got older, and matured, I also learned how to provide counterarguments to his "I'm gonna stay out this time". I didn't have time to hear that shit, because deep down I knew that he'd always be in. During his periods of extreme illness, I always feared that he'd die in there, and be buried - unmarked- in the prison grave yard. Luckily, it didn't happen that way.

Truth is, he gave up, and I was mad as hell. He sat there in the hospital, suffering from cancer, arguing with me over the phone about how he could smoke cigarettes if he wanted to, about how it didn't matter. That's what he told me. The daughter that could hear in his voice that he was short of breath. And that's the last time I spoke to him. I had told him that I'd be to see him on a Saturday, but he didn't wait for me. He left me, just like she did! He left me on a Friday, without the goodby I felt I was entitled to.

Obviously, he is entitled to a special place within my memory. Happy Birthday Leslie. If only you would have trusted that I could have, and did love you.

And...here we go!

1. In 1992, I was eight years old, and dealing with the death of my mother.

2. Having silly friends insures an abundance of laughter and smiles.

3. Do what you must, with what you have, where you can.

4. Some place, where a limited amount of people know my name, is where I'd like to be.

5. The trees and flowers are telling me that my purse should be stocked full of Benadryl.

6. I want the kind of love that just keeps going on.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the possibility of going out with the mamas, which needs to be a regular Friday occurrence, tomorrow my plans include being care-free and Sunday, I want to make a Spring Break itinerary for Miss. J!

Motherhood is turning out to be one of THEE coolest clubs ever. The coolest part? Its a lifetime membership.

When I found out that I was expecting, it really was a life changing experience. I was in my first semester of freshman year at UC Berkeley, not to mention, I had scholarships that I was putting to good use, and I was still learning how to share a dorm room with someone. I was in no way planning on becoming a mother all in the same breathe. In fact, I had it all planned out. I would go to college, become an investigative reporter, travel the world revealing the biggest conspiracies, while changing perceptions of inner city life, get married... and theeeeen have a baby. However, in a blink of an eye, that plan was but a dream, nine months had gone by, and I was welcoming a new member to Team Barbara. I found myself, 19, back at home, and a single mother. I couldn't help feeling like a "first generation black girl from the ghetto gets into one of the top Universities in the country only to get pregnant in her first semester and return back to the ghetto" statistic. Fortunately for me, my team was held together by some strong familial support, so I was able to take a break from Cal, regroup, and hit the academic track again with baby in tow.


By no means has it been easy or enjoyable or even pleasant 100% of the time. I have had to be creative, and develop skills that I didn't even know I was capable of possessing in order to navigate and combine the worlds of single mother and student. The two can be like oil and water on most days, and like PB&J on others. And there is always the task of negotiating the naysayers (the biggest one being myself). And what about the long list of sacrifices that I've had to make because I didn't have the privilege of being a parent of convenience? I've been having that conversation with myself, and others, for 7 years now, and still simultaneously, I get pissed off and amazed at my own strength and focus.


While I can and do bitch and moan about the struggles and hardships of being the captain of multiple ships, at the end of the day, it is in the arms of the child that I never planned to have, that I find the most comfort. It is in her words that I find the most honesty; it is in her infectious laughter that I start to remember who I use to be, way before I was told who I should be. So, yeah, to be a mother is a life changing experience on many different levels, and as much of a sacrifice as it brings with it, it also brings a multitude of uncharted waters and unexplored territory. I am looking forward to what the next 11 years and beyond bring us.

Written for the Spring Exhibition at UCSD: Exploring the "M" Word.
An Exhibition created, composed of and installed by ALL women