There was a time when I was drowning in a sea of blue and white yarns. It seemed I had a ton of variations of the blue and white going on. These days, I'm swimming in an ocean of pink and brown. Three layettes of pink and brown. I met a new baby cousin for the first time this month, and discovered that pink and brown were her colors too. I had already been working on this blanket, taking my time with it, but with her in mind, I was inspired to finally give baby beanies a try. A quick Youtube search turned up the perfect pattern: a granny stitch! You know how much I love my granny squares. It took me an entire day to get it right, but I finally got a workable little hat, and even more ambitious was the flower attachment. I absolutely LOVE crocheted flowers!! When I was growing my 'fro, I'd search Etsy and other crochet shops for pretty hair flowers. I was never disappointed. They stayed on my wishlist. Now, I can finally make my own. Neither the hat or flower are perfect, but they are pretty damn good.

What started out as an onset of irritability quickly subsided and I was able to get up, and get moving yesterday. I flew through some housework, then made dinner for Miss J and my grandma's kiddos while she was away in class. She's taking a stress management class, with required reading, homework and everything. I am trying to do my part of lightening her load and encouraging her to stay on track with her medicines and monitoring. When she returned, she had nothing to do except kick back, have some dinner, and relax until she was ready to head off to bed. That gave me a sense of fulfillment in the moment, and I am sure that she appreciated having a few less things to worry about in an already busy day.

I've been doing some heavy reflecting lately. Its probably more like half reflection and half beating myself up, but I can't help but to reflect on my past, and how it has affected the person that I am today. There was a point in which I thrived despite my past. The past just was what it was, I was focused on the future, because I had goals, and the roadway was clear, the path was lit. Now... something happened, a lot of things happened, and somehow I became a fraction of the person I used to be. I continuously find myself mourning the Barbara who used to be instead of recreating the Barbara who currently is. Like, in order for that recreation to take place, I must go backwards, retrace. Doesn't make any sense. Maybe I am held motionless for fear of what a tug of war would do to the me who can't seem to find her way. I guess it will all take time.

Aside from my wayward mind, I got a wave of excellent feedback on some custom Baby Squares pieces. 2 blankets and a butterfly clip. Everyone LOVED their pieces and were not shy about expressing it. I was both grateful and thankful for the public response. Just check out the toddler of Kristina of Mom on the Rise and Moms of Hue, enjoying her new blanket :)

I could not possibly stay irritated for long when surrounded by images of bliss!

I took a breather over the weekend, and carved out some time and some space for a little relaxation and work. I am quickly learning that, as a work at home mom, relaxation and work will often be a part of the same sentence/idea, just as relaxation, motherhood and academics were while I was knocking out my semesters at Cal. Being everything at the same time is no easy task, but it always has its benefits. Instead of wearing many hats, I just wear one hat, with many different names on it!

In a way, I am actually happy to have a place of refuge within this newly found work, because, although I am busy creating, crocheting still gives me that original peace. Its an art, much like sewing, that allows you to lose yourself within your project. You become one with your project. You control the flow and the outcome, thus, if you don't mind a challenge every now and then, for the most part, you remain relatively stress-free.

I have been spending my days, on my grandmother's couch, surrounded by colorful yarns and warmth. My work, has become "our" thing, as my grandmother and I chit chat about patterns and colors and collaborations and needle sizes... and other things crochet. Momentarily, the chit chat provides an escape from the fact that I am still 9-to-5-less and homeless and due to the state being budgetless - I am child care-less, come back to school time. Newly created butterflies hold the smiles that were formed after the laughter from my grandfather, on the other end of the phone, from a hospital bed in Mississippi where he has had a mild stroke. As he proceeds with three weeks of physical therapy down south, and my grandmother wraps her arm in the band of the blood pressure machine, and transfers the product of her freshly pricked finger into the glucose reader here in the north, all I can do is crochet.

I'm not hiding behind the counter anymore, no longer hoping those passing by don't see me. The deadbolt is off the door, and the welcome sign is out. I sure am glad that folks weren't afraid to come on in. Since adding the new additions to Baby Squares, and sprucing the place up, people have taken interest, and I have followed up on that interest. The result? THREE custom Baby Squares blankets in the works, and me stepping outside my crafty comfort zone to try new granny square motifs. I am grateful for the support, and for the push to own my entrepreneurship. Its still a little difficult for me to view what I have going here as a business, or maybe its difficult for me to begin viewing myself as a small business owner. However, its not very difficult to get excited about the approaching arrival of new babies!

New blankets in the shop, Baby Squares has met Facebook, I'm half way through some bell hooks, got a couple of potential orders, and a full belly... its about time I entertain the cookies n' cream that is waiting for me in the freezer.

I have been so consumed lately and uninterested. Neglectful to the project, the passion that I thought I was so passionate about. My cute little shop is bare. It looks like I'm on vacation, when I'm merely held up inside, ducking down behind the counter hoping that those who pass by don't see me. My deserted little blankets. The two in the shop, and the two here in my bag - especially the one that is still rough around the edges. I shall pick up hook and yarn this week and reclaim my space, and hopefully draw a crowd.

If you stop by, I might remove the deadbolt from the doors and put out the welcome sign.

Well, I got my first written response from the state. So, far, I think I have sent out 4 or 5 applications to various locations that have vacancies for the position that I tested for. Unfortunately, this particular location did not offer me an interview. I'm not too bent out of shape about it, perhaps because there are still locations that I am waiting to hear from. The way that the ranking system works is tricky, with some locations seeking the best of the best, meaning, they are only looking for folks who rank in the top 3. That wasn't me this time. We'll see what happens...

Seems like my life has been revolving around job search. Its really depressing. To sit around with nothing to do, in someone else's space - I have been bored out of my damn mind, and when I'm not bored, I'm depressed, and when I'm not depressed, I'm irritable - which is a symptom of depression - so, I guess I'm basically just frickin' bored and depressed the majority of the time. I did get out of the house Friday night to have a couple of drinks and some adult time with the mamas.

Its always nice to be in great company, and my UCB family is always great company. But now the weekend is over, and its back to focusing on trying to make things better.

I have been completely neglecting my business, but hopefully I will feel more like engaging in some yarn play soon. I am finishing up a pretty pink and white blanket that I am hoping to add to the shop by next week. Then maybe I can get started on the lavendar and white blanket, and maybe it will be the correct size when I am done! The pink and white blanket is less baby and more preschooler. I must have been crocheting with a tired hand. Its still a beautiful creation. I will show you all once I have some pictures.

How was your weekend? What's new?

I sooo can't believe I just did this! I made a scarf. And not just any scarf. But a granny square scarf - a baby square scarf - for my baby! Yay me! I hadn't even set out to try this scarf when I pulled out the yarn. The plan was to get started on another blanket for my shop, but then I started thinking about Miss J asking me if I could make her another blanket this morning, and since I really don't know when I will get around to doing that, I decided that maybe I'd try making her a scarf instead. A little something to match her coat since I had some pink yarn left over from the blanket I made her.


Its definitely NOT the best. Shoot, I had to research youtube videos to figure out how to put the squares together, and discovered that I didn't even need the yarn needle that I bought to do it. As simple as the technique looked, I still managed to stitch the squares in the wrong places, causing me to start over several times, and it wouldn't be that far fetched if this scarf didn't stay in one piece!


Time for me to start perfecting my granny square attachment skills, because, after I put these photos up on Facebook, I got an inquiry order! Yikes! I don't even have a price in mind. These aren't even part of my shop... yet. I can barely keep the squares together, remember??

Crochet challenge #1. Bring it on!

Truthfully speaking, I'm not much of a sports girl. Not because sports isn't a "girl" thing or because I'm too girlie for it, but because its just not my thing. I'm not into the NFL, MLB, NBA, or PGA. And although I am a blood sports kind of girl, I don't keep up with the MMA either. I just not interested in gathering around the tv, not even for the Super Bowl. That doesn't mean that I don't know how to show team spirit though.

When I was asked to create this 49er inspired blanket, I was a little intimidated. Not only did I have to zero in on the team's logo and colors, I didn't even know if the colors would be available in the type of yarn that I needed for a baby blanket. Also, what would the die hard fans and new owners of this blanket think about my rendition of their favorite team?

In the end I did find the perfect yarn for this project and I have gotten great feedback on it thus far. I had a lot of fun thinking up the design, and taking a leap outside the box to create the perfect gift. This blanket is being purchased for a new baby who is due to arrive late February/Early March. There is no doubt that this little fan will be the coolest tailgater EVER!

Wow, looka here. 100 101 followers! How exciting. I'm glad you so desire to be privy to my rants, joys, struggles, accomplishments, failures, new ventures, and everything else that composes my disordered life. Moments are never too dull over here. Thank you for wanting to be here for each and every moment of it!

Half the week is gone and I have definitely not been lounging. I started the week off by continuing the process of applying for state jobs. I had to take an exam to gain eligibility for the positions that I am interested in. Working for the state of California is NOT a goal, but there are some positions that offer an independent work environment, a salary and some benefits, so I don't have anything to lose by making them an option... unless of course the state applies more cuts. The rate that my Kipenzi works, and the blood, sweat and tears that goes into his position makes me appreciate just how hard state workers grind. While not every state job is as challenging as his, right now, state workers are hanging on to their jobs by a thread, while being paid less for what they do, so I'm humbled by it all. I should find out the results of my state exam by next week.

In the meantime, I'll be working on stocking Baby Squares. I got my very first custom order yesterday! I was able to go out and get the yarns that I needed and I started working on it last night. I am so excited. Sometimes I don't feel like there is a need for what I do with yarn. The majority of the time I encounter people who either already have crocheters in their family or they just can't see paying a certain price for a handmade blanket. I am so grateful for a place like Etsy, and for friends who are eager to support me. Crocheting brings me a lot of joy and peace, so its great to be able to turn a passion into profit.

Life is still so fast paced, and I'm really trying not to let it run me over. I am reminding myself to take things one day at a time, one project at a time, one commitment at a time. Reminding myself that the S on my chest really doesn't stand for Superwoman, but for Self - preservation.

I am officially a shop owner! An Etsy shop owner. Its been a real process deciding on a name for the shop, deciding if I should really open a shop only having 3 blankets, deciding if my photographs are appealing enough to attract folks...

I sucked it up, spent a couple of days figuring out things on my own - combined with bugging asking the wonderful Mrs. Allen-Mercado for her Etsy know-how, dos and don'ts, and "how does it look nows". Finally, its here. Baby Squares is here!

I hope that you will all stop by and pay me a visit. If you see something you like, GET IT! No pressure =). I am hoping to go yarn shopping soon so that I can add some pretty purples, pinks and other brightness to the trio. Custom is an option, especially since I only have a few pieces over there. Just shoot me an email at babysquares@gmail.com.