Showing posts with label dating as a single parent. Show all posts

The Unexpected

Like many, I too, have gotten sucked into the drama that is The Real Housewives of Atlanta. This is the only reality show on my guilty pleasures list. As much as the ladies leave me scratching my head most of the time, they also humor me, so I've been hooked since the first season. I was disappointed to learn that DeShawn Snow wouldn't be returning for the second season. Her mellow lifestyle was a breath of fresh air as far as reality tv goes. If only all viewers felt the same way.

Enter: Ms. Kandi Burruss, the newest addition to the bunch. Because of her short tolerance for hot mess, she is the woman that I most admire on the show. I'm just a fan. What's not to love about her? She's an accomplished singer, songwriter, and overall business woman. Not to mention, she has been a single mother for most of her daughter's life. She puts it down in a real way, taking care of business for herself and her family. She's quite the execumama if you ask me.

During this season, she has been trying to "fly above all the haters", while doing what she does best. But where there is perseverance, there will also lie challenges. Kandi has been dealing with her mother's contempt of her fiance, the transitioning into the Housewives pack, the loss of her fiance's nephew, and now she is in the mists of dealing with an even greater challenge. The unexpected and untimely death of her fiance, A.J.

My thoughts and prayers go out to her and her daughter, because this is also a great loss for her, as she will have to face not having a father for a second time. I was shocked and speechless as I first learned of this tragedy on Facebook and read the report. It made me revisit my own fears of introducing someone into my daughter's life, then losing them tragically. As I mentioned in another post, my Kipenzi has a dangerous occupation, which has dangerous consequences for himself and those who love him. As with all who work in law enforcement, he puts his life on the line everytime he reports to work. I used to find myself thinking about this constantly. The worry of him being harmed does not consume my thoughts like it used to, but its still a very clear and present realization.

I do hope that Kandi has a strong network of support at this time, and that this loss does not scar her daughter in a way that can't be repaired.

Filed under dating as a single parent, loss, music, relationships, tv shows

5 comments

I Don't Wanna Be Your Baby's Daddy!

Courtesy of flickr

What's a single mother who has a boyfriend? Well, she's still a single mother.

I know a host of people who have mixed feelings about ready-made families. I've heard everything from "I don't date women with kids" to "I'm not trying to be nobody's mama". My initial thought when I hear stuff like this is, who said that all single people who have kids are automatically looking for someone to step in and take the absent parent's place?? I'm not into making generalized statements, so let me say that I know there are some who are looking for a daddy for their baby or a momma to guide their daughter, BUT they are not the model of single parent dating. This may be hard to believe, but there are actual people who are more interested in finding true companionship for themselves and a true "friend" for their child. Its not always about remaking "the family".

Taking on responsibility for a child is a lifetime commitment, so I can understand the fear that some might have of being thrust into that role before they are ready. Truth is, some people shouldn't be in "that role" period. The whole aim of dating is to get to know others and determine if they are right for your life at a particular time. When the relationship stage presents itself, little questions, such as "Do I really like kids?" should have already been answered. While its not required that you be ready to sign adoption papers, it is required that you at least favor being around children if you are thinking about dating someone who has them. This in no way means that you need to start breaking the bank for your girlfriend or boyfriend's child.

Not too long ago, I asked my Kipenzi why he was interested in dating a woman with a small child? Why he didn't run for the hills when he learned that I had a toddler when we first met. Because, if there is a toddler, doesn't that mean that there is also a background man that comes along with that toddler? And if there is a background man that comes along with that toddler, doesn't that mean that drama also comes along with the background man that comes along with the toddler? His response: "It didn't bother me." Really?, I thought. It was nice to know that he wasn't initially afraid that he might be called daddy or might be called upon by me to do something "daddy" related, or might be subjected to baby-daddy drama. That was the last thing on my mind when we first met. Its still not first in line now that we are in it for the long haul. I am more interested in him getting to know Miss J as a person, rather than him filling in as a father at this point. If we make the decision to advance to a more permanent stage (ie; living together, marriage) then that will be the time to talk more about parenting together vs. him building a friendship with her.

Have you ever had a relationship end just because either you or the person that you were dating was a parent? Do the rules change when there is more than one child involved? More than one "baby mama" or "baby daddy"?

Featured over at