First of all, if you aren't a House fan, there is something terribly wrong with you. I LOVE this show! I can't recall when I was first won over, but House's sarcasm, brilliance, and the way that he interacts with his team is all priceless. Here's a man whose main concern is which ever questionable illness case file happens to end up on his desk and whose primary focus is to solve puzzles. He has no affection for anyone other than his boss Lisa Cuddy, and bestfriend James Wilson, and even then, its a dysfunctional "House" kind of affection that leaves both Cuddy and Wilson hating that they love him so much. To most of his patients and his co-workers, Dr. Gregory House is a straight asshole, but deep down, he's just a man who spends his days working toward not letting his pain overtake his passion. I know one thing, if I had a mystery diagnosis, I'd want the Vicodin popping, antisocial, self centered doctor on call.

My love for and understanding of how Hugh Laurie's character operates brought about an epiphany concerning my Ex. As time moves forward the term "Ex" may grow to be an inappropriate way of describing him, so I'm gonna refer to him as my Kipenzi (lover/darling) instead. My favorite word in Swahili is "kupenda" which means to love; I love him, so it fits.

Back to the ephiphany...

My Kipenzi and I met back in 2004, and since our first date, our relation to each other has been interesting. We had intelligent and meaningful conversation, many things in common and a genuine attraction to each other that transcended the sexual. He had goals and aspirations, as did I, and he was working toward making his dreams a reality, as was I. We could have made a great team, and I wanted us to, but each time we grew closer he'd pull away for reasons unknown to me.

Things continued this way for years. A triangle of togetherness-love-time apart. We'd come together time after time and for whatever reason just never seem to work out. We spent a lot of time together, but never truly knew each other, not the way that we should have. All due to inaccurate communication and old fashion fear on both our parts of getting too close. Just that simple.

How does House fit into all of this? Well, during our quest to make things work, I was in my own world and he was in his. Our birthdays are 6 days apart, so there are times when we are one in the same, which, as you can imagine, is a problem. I often felt that he was very self-centered and inconsiderate when it came to my feelings. I was emotional and he couldn't relate because he didn't handle his feelings/issues/whatever in the same ways that I did. I felt that I was playing the fool. That deep down, he was just like Miss J's dad in his thinking and interactions with me. Ironically, he felt the same way about me. That I didn't take his feelings into consideration, didn't really respect him and his unique personality. Turns out, that just like Dr. House, we were both fighting day to day to not let our pain overtake us.

He was a gunshot victim at age 15, and as a result, he lives in constant physical pain with a bummed leg, just like the cynical Dr. House. As my Kipenzi and I came back together recently to work on "us", his improved self was a bit of a shock to me. I wanted to know what was really up with this newly sensitive and highly compassionate Kipenzi. According to him, this side of him has always lived within. Really? I have to say, I liked it. As we started to court each other and get to know each other as we should have years ago, the epiphany hit. What if, like Dr. House, my Kipenzi was just a man who'd been shaped by his physical pain? Like House, my Kipenzi has been shot, relies on pain killers to dull his pain, walks with a distinctive limp, and despite how he comes off to people with his attitude and guarded nature, he really is a great guy. I can admit that I have been shaped by my mental pain. I'm still in the beginning stages of this epiphany, so for now, my Kipenzi and I are taking things slow. We know what the fast paced leads to. Perhaps things will evolve differently between us this time around.