What began as a year of happiness and hope, is dwindling into one of despair, ugliness and loss.

We all knew that sadly, Patrick's days were numbered, but it doesn't make losing him any less painful. Its the way in which he was lost that is so painful. Cancer is like a superbug. It strikes and destroys, without any prejudice. It is resistant and unforgiving.

I can't even say anymore about it at this point because its a subject that cuts far to deeply...

Meet the woman who raised me. The woman who taught me the meaning of both sacrifice and unconditional love. The woman who was the rock that kept our family grounded and the glue that kept it together. The woman who was known to all, as Bigmama, but who was known to me, simply as mama. Meet my great-grandmother, Exie Bea.

She was an amazing woman, fearless... a pillar of strength and unconditional love. She gave to those who were in need and mothered those who didn't have. She taught me some of life's most valuable lessons. How to master self sacrifice in the name of love, to show bravery in times of fear, and the most valuable of all, to never sit idly by wait for a man or anyone else to take care of you. "You have to know how to do for self cuz I wont always be with you", she'd say.

She died October 23rd, 2005. At a time when the country was trying to wrap their heads around the tragedy that was Katrina, I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had just became motherless all over again. Witnessing the destruction of lung cancer was a traumatic experience for me. I just couldn't believe that a woman who was once so strong was suddenly disappearing before my eyes. Her body was there, but her mind was absent at times. And then went her soul. I thought I would never recover... but I did.

Now, I keep her life and everything that she taught me, tucked away tightly in my heart and in my memory. I take the time to remember her today, I'll remember her always.

The first time I laid eyes on this shirt it was truly love at first sight. I had been saying these words since 2003. How could I not feel this way about cancer? After all, it was cancer that violently came in like a thief in the night, played hide & seek within the lungs of my great-grandmother, and then thought it would be fun to travel up to her brain and destroy it. It tried to play that game with my grandmother years ago, but she kicked it square in its ass and sent it flying. It was cancer that stared back at me as I stared at my dad's body laying up on that slab in the funeral home. It is cancer that threatens to put my grandfather in that same place. And it is that same damn cancer that causes anxiety to run rapid throughout my body. The kind of anxiety that wastes no time telling me that my future daughter will never exist because cancer will devour my ovaries or that I can get rid of all of my bras because I will awake one morning and my breasts will be gone.

All of these reasons are why I gave the guy wearing this shirt my email address to pass on to the girl who made it. Because for once I wanted to be able to look cancer eye to eye, in all of its different forms, and exclaim that it would NOT get me too. I would NOT be its victim. It would NOT take me away from my daughter as it took my second mother and dad away from me. For all of these reasons I waited and waited for the email that would reveal the time and place that I could expect to get my very own cancer shield. Yes, for these reasons and many more I will proudly and boldly stand up to cancer with these fighting words stamped across my DDs. Whose with me??

October is the national Breast Cancer Awareness month and I am hoping that every woman is aware of her own breast health. It is so important that we stay on top of this because no woman is exempt from developing breast cancer and apparently that does not exclude age. I know that if you are a youngster like me, and you have no family history of breast cancer your doctor will tell you that annual breast exams and self breast exams are enough. No mammogram is needed. Well, there are actually some women who have been diagnosed in their 20's with breast cancer and of course, like other illnesses, black woman are at higher risk. Bottom line, you have to be aware and stay aware because you never know, and you definitely will never know if you are not on top of things. Got that? So round up the posse of women that you love and scurry out to get your breast exams. Go on... GET!