You know what REALLY gets me? When something so beautiful can be overshadowed by something so tragic. As we are all appreciating the newness of this decade and the many possibilities for life, some of us are experiencing the unexpected extinguishing of life.

When I saw Miss J's dad's name and number flash across my cell, I automatically prepared myself to hear whatever it was that he had to say. I never enjoy hearing his voice, for this reason, and this reason, so whenever I talk to him I try to make it as quick and painless as possible. But what he had to say this time around was something that turned my cold ear sympathetic. He just kinda blurted it out after getting past the initial "what's up?" "This dude killed my momma." At first, I didn't think I heard him correctly, but I did. He said that she had been killed yesterday during the early morning, possibly by her boyfriend, and that she hadn't been identified until later in the day because she didn't have any identification on her. He had not been sitting with the news long before he called me. An investigation was in progress. It was very surreal to hear. Unexpected. I told him how sorry I was, and asked if he needed anything. He couldn't really put his thoughts, needs and feelings into words, but managed to say that he was gonna ask his employer if he could be transferred out of state because he had to go. This makes sense, since he was in the process of buying a home outside of our old neighborhood, but I think anger toward his mother's boyfriend, who is in a local hospital, fuels his desire to wanting to further distance himself from our 'hood. His sudden vulnerability was chilling. Someone I hate so much, and yes I use and really do mean the word: hate, was calling me in his deepest time of sorrow, and in that moment, we shared something other than our daughter, rape and mental abuse... the abrupt death of a mother.

After talking to him I called my sister in-law and immediately told her how sorry I was. She inquired how I knew, and I told her that her brother had just called me. She had the same level of disconnect and shock in her voice. The same level of pain, boiling up and ready to spill over. She said the family was forbidden from going up to the hospital where the boyfriend was, as to not hinder the investigation. I let her know that I am here for her, and she was comforted by that. As I sit here, probably a good 24 hours from the time that my daughter lost another grandmother, I hurt for loss in general. In our lives, death has been a recurring theme. I've lost my mother, father, great-grandmother, an aunt to a drug overdose, an uncle to complications from diabetes, and Miss J has lost all of those people and one of her very good friends, the majority, consecutively over a 5 year period. It would be fulfilling to have a consecutive break from death and its tragic everlasting fucking emotional turmoil. Luckily for Miss J, she was not close to her dad's mother. I would have liked for her to be, but because we no longer live in the area, and because she could be very transient at times in her life, Miss J never really built a relationship with her. However, I can say that her grandmother did love her and she enjoyed the time that she got to spend with her.

I know that death is a part of life's cycle, but traumatic experiences, murder, abuse, and every other kind of fucked up destruction bestowed on humans NEVER should be.