You're not asking for too much, my love. You SHOULD have a stable of folks who allow you to speak and actually listen to you. But I've found that you can't really expect that from our older folks. Just ain't gonna happen.

But this is why you have us--friends. Who care. And know better to let you talk. And to listen REAL good.

We're here.

You are not asking for too much. Could I suggest that the last paragraph you typed.......tell your grandmother that. I know we have been raised to respect our elders, but you have to let her know how you feel.

I love the music on here and your daugther is beautiful. You've got a new follower.

I agree with the other posters. I have felt that way for years about members of my family. We all deserve to be heard.

Growing up I developed a family outside my family that included some adult women who were willing to listen and guide, not just talk at me. I'm glad that you have acknowledged and expressed your needs to yourself, and even if you do not receive it from your grandmother in the future, you'll know it's something that you want to look out for and have in other relationships.

You absolutely have a right to be heard - especially by family members! That's got to be so frustrating.

We are from a different time and place, older folks and us. We are taught to talk out our emotions, work through our difficulties, support by listening.

They have been taught to push it down and move on. They have seen so many bad times, people transition, racism, injustices, and thru it all they have been taught to ignore in order to survive. She is having the other conversations because she can't deal with the pain directly. She wants to pretend you are not feeling the pain because she loves you too dearly and will probably lose it if she had to fully absorb the pain that you've endured.

She's not being insensitive, she can't deal with it directly. She doesn't have the skills to handle it, and she knows it so she deflects the pain with half listening.

Oh I forgot to tell you that I'm keeping my eye on you, and I wanted to tell you about it over at my blog.

When it comes to the point that we truly need another's time and attention, so that worries and anxieties properly filter into someone who we seek the guidance from, and a barrier is put up by a lack of respectful communication, we hit a wall.

It happens, it's happened to me and I've done it to others. The best thing we can do with family who have a tough time listening is to keep trying to have those lines of communication open and if it's not disrespectful, inform her that you need her undivided attention because it means so much to you!

Great post, btw!

Thanks so much for following and Hanging With Me. Hope to make this a fun place. What music player are you using on your site. I like it. It's cute and small. Together we will all get you going with your grandmother.

Oh I do understand how you feel and it is disheartening. I am fortunate enough to have the most sensitive (even if overly opinionated) intuitive 83 year old grandmother-she is a gem of a listener and has even learned a great deal from me about overturning some of those antiquated views about strength and secrecy. I agree you should speak with your grandmother about this-nothing beats a failure but a try. Perhaps she is unaware of her poor listening skills-it'd be a service to both of you to share your feelings. (hugs and an available ear)

oh.my.goodness.

i went off on somebody on the phone the other day for this very reason. there i was passionately describing something that was really buggin' me, and the person just breaks out talking about some ish that was on t.v.

it takes lot for me to go off, but they pushed me over the edge. and the thing about is that i'm also one who internalizes and usually keeps stuff to myself (mainly because of situations that occure like what i mentioned above.) yet, nobody hesitates to come to me with whatever it is they're dealing with because the know i listen and will do my best to give some insight. but i swear it never fails that when it's the other way around..the rare times that it is.., they seem so disinterested.

i hear ya, sis, i hear ya. and no, i don't think it's asking too much. and i'll side with what jewelry rockstar had to say as well. i think that might be a big part of if.

(in my situation, though, the people are young, so they can't get off the hook with that explanation. they're just selfish!)

That's awful Bar. B. Have you tried telling her how you feel?