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Thin Line

The past couple of nights have been laced with insomnia. I have been tired, but unable to hush my thoughts. This is the part that I hate, the PTSD-esk phase - when the events and words that were said, keep replaying themselves over and over in my mind. Every time I'd close my eyes they were forced back open by my feelings about what was said and what went down, and by his reaction to me in my entirety and in my vulnerability. I think I'm still in shock. Its not like we haven't been here before, but this time was different. This time set the tone for there not to be a next time. I wasn't ready for that. It was unexpected and unwanted.

And you know what else I hate? Not knowing what to do with left over love. This love hasn't reached its expiration date yet, and now I have to place it back on the shelf, although it has already been assigned, and pretend that it doesn't exist, even though it stares back at me longingly. Pretty pathetic huh?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 26, 2010 and is filed under , , , , . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .
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3 comments

Beauty in Rare Form  
May 27, 2010 at 9:07 PM

Not pathetic...Don't ever look at it like that. You are totally capable of giving yourself to love and that's good considering all that you've been through. So, look at it like that. This whole thing is simply a placeholder until you see your real worth and know that you are worthy of something/someone better. Love isn't supposed to hurt - especially if only one person is feeling the hurt. It'll take time, but you WILL get there because when everything else starts to fall into place, that too shall follow.

Stay strong.

Shannon  
May 28, 2010 at 9:33 PM

It looks like I've missed some things. It sounds like you have been through something terrible and for that I am so sorry. I will go back and read through your posts. Wishing you true love, the kind that doesn't hurt!

T.Allen  
May 30, 2010 at 8:17 PM

PTSD-I have been holding on to and holding in much of what you speak of here from one time or another along the way. There are no easy answers and the only way out, is through the stinking muck of it all. I wish you peace.

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