And Just When I Decide to Start Looking at the Glass As Half Full

Something happens to irritate the fuck outta me!! I swear, happiness around here is short lived.

"He" contacted me today wanting to know if Miss J could come over for a visit. I found this bold since he had not called her with that apology for acting an ass and making too much out of nothing. I asked Miss J if she wanted to go visit her dad, to which she replied, "no, I don't want to go back over there and if you try to make me then I wont go!" On a regular day I would have gladly left it at that, but I chose to take on the role of peace-maker to see if I could get the two of them to kiss and make up. She explained to me that she was still upset about the argument, so I asked her if her dad told her he was sorry for insulting her would that make things better. She said yes.

After our trip to my grandma's house, I took her over to his house. In the 10 years that I have known him, I have yet to hear him utter the words "I'm sorry", so I really wasn't expecting him to come right out with it today. Especially since he didn't seem to see anything wrong with his actions when we talked about what had went down. But, he did ask her if she was upset and he did tell her that he was sorry. Didn't say specifically what he was sorry for, but sorry nonetheless. She seemed to warm up to the idea that her feeling toward him were returning to pre-argument status and she was once again excited to be in his presence.

Great end to a crazy situation, right? Wrong!

He brought her home an hour ago, and after he had gone the smell hit me. Miss J hugged me and reeked of weed smoke. I don't know if he smoked before or during her stay, but that shit was on her like white on rice. Luckily I am doing the laundry tonight. I damn near ripped her coat off her back. I'll be damned if she goes to school tomorrow wearing a coat that smells like I'm over here running a fucking marijuana farm! That shit is just disgusting! I FUCKING HATE WEED SMOKE... AND CIGARETTE SMOKE... AND ANY OTHER TYPE OF ADDICTIVE ASS BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just don't get it. I fail to understand, to comprehend, the pleasure one gets from killing brain cells. Can someone PLEASE explain this to me? What is so great about puffing on blunts and leaving the essence of that shit on every single thing that you touch? Its just gross! And fucking stupid!! I went for a hair appointment on Friday and damn if one of the stylists didn't come in smelling like she had just put a blunt out. And then there came one of my stylist's clients smelling the same way. Again, I don't get it. Don't you dope fiends know that shit lingers? Don't you know that WE ALL know that you are a dope fiend, whether you think so or not? Yes you are! Unless you have a prescription for it, you are a fiend. And if you do have a prescription and love to abuse it, then you are a fucking fiend! This gets me sooo irritated. I don't smoke weed, so therefore, I don't want to smell that shit when I am out doing my daily business... and I don't want that shit all in my clothes or my baby's.

I texted her dad telling him that if he is going to ask for her to come visit him that he needs not smoke that shit. Of course he didn't reply. I don't even know why the fuck I bother. How about this just be the last damn visit. I don't have time to be telling no grown ass ***** how to be an adult and how to make adult decisions. How about I just keep my baby with me, where I know that she ain't being exposed to no nonsense. It never fails... I remain to be THEE most responsible and mature person within my inner circle. Its a damn shame. I'm 24, and yet, I am the one that has to constantly point shit out to mofos who are in their 30's. Got damn shame! No wonder I have grey hairs all-got-damn-ready!

Dispite all of this petty foolishness, I am going to continue to strive to view the glass as being half full because... well... my life is depending on it. All this stress ain't doing nothing but digging me into an early grave. That's what stress does. Its way beyond wrinkles, and more about the damaged that gets done to the brain, heart and spirit. I want to live every ounce of time that is meant for me so I am going to work on breaking out of this life, these situations, with these kinds of people and finding my peace.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 and is filed under drugs . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

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8 comments

Danyele Easterhaus

December 8, 2008 at 5:09 AM

hey there...i'm here for the first time bc u visited me. ok, first, i'm a momma of a divorce, and there are no words that can comfort. but seriously???? what in the world? some things should really go without saying.

ok, ur daughter is more precious than diamonds. her little smile is beaming. what a great gift for you. after reading your about me, i am soooo gla dyou are getting back into writing. so, you keep on being a good momma and doing the right thing...and that little girl, will be just fine. :)

Unknown

December 8, 2008 at 6:45 AM

Girl, does the nonsense never end? I am so sorry that BD is not acting right. I remember when I was growing up Daddy and friends would request that I go in the back room while they "did their business" and no telling mommy. Um, the smell lingers!

I think that some men can be foolish and just don't think. Maybe the best thing is for all of you to go out together. That way she gets the benefit of having her father in her life.

I know he makes mistakes but not having him in her life may be even worse. As a child of divorce that was less than amicable (and I think kept Dad away), there are so many times I wish my father had been there. Even if he couldn't contribute anything but time.

It will get better. I believe this and am happy to hear that you are looking at the glass as half-full.

Jewelry Rockstar

December 8, 2008 at 7:26 AM

I am like Miss J. I grew up with my parents apart. My mom trying hard to do her best, to set standards, to create a structured environment. My dad trying his best to drink his liquor, to smoke his herb, and to do whatever the hell he wanted anytime he wanted.

One thing though, my daddy loved me immensely. I spent the summers and some holidays with him, and despite his tomfoolery ( and believe me there was a lot) I grew up with the knowledge that my daddy loved me more than anything. As time went on, I realized that his vices and issues were his, and they still are today. YES TODAY and he's damn near 70 still smoking weed.

I am able to see my mother's efforts and praise her for them. I am also able to see my father mistakes and accept them. I know that both of my parents love me, even if they have demons within themselves that they are dealing with.

If you take me Miss J, away from a flawed daddy, she may grow up not knowing that her daddy loves her. He clearly loves her because her asks for her and he did something you've never seen just for her, and that was apologize.

I know it hurts and it's a struggle, but give your daughter the special gift of having a relationship with daddy, even if he is a stupid mofo.

Barbara

December 8, 2008 at 10:01 AM

I thank all of you for your comments, love and support. I also thank you for sharing your personal stories of daughter/daddy relationships with me.

I realize that I probably sound a bit "woman scorned" and as if I am jumping the gun, but it really does go much deeper than that. I am NOT completely that woman and he is NOT completely a loving father who is just trying to spend time with his daughter and sometimes makes mistakes.

I feel the need to put this whole thing into perspective so I am going to post the reply that I emailed to Renee.

Thank you all again! Don't think or feel that I am disregarding anything thing that you have said, or point that you have made, I hear you and I can feel where you are coming from. In a ideal world, all little boys and girls would have wonderful and loving relationships with their parents, but unfortunately, this isn't an ideal world and parent/child relationships are never universal.

Weith Kick

December 8, 2008 at 1:50 PM

You're right. Weed does have a very distinctive smell that does linger. Not cool if he smoked it around your girl. If a person is going to smoke it, don't smoke it around innocent children. I hope things improve for you and your girl with regard to her dad. Sounds like he has A LOT of growing up still to do.

Anonymous

December 8, 2008 at 6:37 PM

Guuurl. *Shaking my head* Ugh! I can't tell you how many times I've argued about my husband's family, who seem to think it's okay to smoke around children, pregnant women, asthmatics, etc. *Sigh*

You have to do what you think is best for Miss J. And obviously, weed smoking isn't one of those behaviors you want her witnessing, especially from someone as influential as her dad.

I'm gonna pray for you, girl. I know it's hard but you're doing a GREAT job!

Tara
http://theyoungmommylife.com

Arlice Nichole

December 10, 2008 at 9:35 PM

I'm with you. I hate the smell of that stuff and the stupid dazed look with a smile they give you when they have emerged from wherever they were smoking it. Cigarettes are no exception. Not sending her back would be a wise decision I think. He can come to your house to see her, right? Shoot, she may have even gotten a little contact. We cannot have that.

T.Allen

December 13, 2008 at 11:43 PM

Your responsibility is to be a mother to Miss J-not a father nor a mediator. I'm guessing you have not seduced and abused some woman's son, yes? We are talking about a legal adult? Hence he is apt and equally accountable in establishing and sustaining parental "privilege" NOT right. He needs to do right, do it well or, do not do it at all. If you would not leave your child with any other person of diminished mental capacity, why should he be any different?

I'm hot now, damnit!! :)