Last night, as I was on the phone listening to my sister in-law L fill me in on the latest drama between her brother and my other sister in-law V, I could feel the wrinkles forming in my forehead, harsh language brewing in the back of my throat and the sudden urge to head an intervention. Why oh why do we women put up with so much wrong doing from the men that we love? More importantly, why oh why do we women put up with so much wrong doing from the men that we love, who are also the father's of our children? Is the idea of having a nuclear family, the idea of keeping the family together, really more important than happiness itself?? And furthermore, even more importantly than that, why oh why are we women still blinded by love??? I know this is a lot to think about right off the bat, especially if you are happily married or in a happy relationship, but it definitely deserves some thought.

I don't know if I should go into details about our conversation, and ironically, this is why I have decided to do it anyway... because I have had enough of the "i'm not getting involved in that" speech. I want to get involved right now because, although sometimes getting involved can cause tension, it can also cause change, save lives and a bunch of other positive outcomes that far outweigh any possible cons.

Apparently my sister in-law V is stuck in an abusive relationship and has been for some time. I guess its hard to see a way out of a love that is over 10 years old and has produced 3 children, two of which are brand new twin girls by the way. However, when this love is quick tempered, frightening, and leaves bruises on your first born, its time for someone to get involved. When you call your sister in-law up to tell her all of the horrible things that her brother is putting you and your babies through and your sister in-law doesn't point you in the direction of the nearest police station, its time for someone ELSE to get involved. I can't even count how many times "I'm not getting in that", "she has to help herself", "I had to leave because I was ready to slap the shit out of him, brother or not!", came out of my sister in-law L's mouth during our conversation. I find it amazing how abuse becomes so normalized in certain communities that people STILL equate "helping" someone to meddling in their business. We really need to wake the hell up and smell the roses before we end up placing those roses on our loved one's grave site.

I don't truly believe that sister in-law V is really "in love". I think that love faded a while ago, but that she is so exhausted and stressed out from having to pour all of her energy into caring for the children and trying to work on a man who isn't fixable, that the words "help me" or "I really want to leave/I really want him to leave" just wont come out of her mouth. And just because she hasn't said the words that means that she wants to continue to suffer the abuse? What then is the meaning behind her frequent phone calls to sister in-law L, crying uncontrollably? What then is the meaning behind her packing up the kids and spending two days at sister in-law L's house? You'd have to either be a fool, very use to abusive situations or just unwilling to recognize a cry for help if you couldn't see that sister in-law V is actually silently begging for someone to get involved.

Since sister in-law L doesn't want to strain her relationship with her brother by standing up to his abusive treatment of a woman who has been up every night for 8 months feeding and tending to two new babies, and of a 4 year old little boy who needs to be loved rather than subjected to name calling and pain, then screw it, sister in-law Bar B will get involved! I could care less if he pitches a fit with me, unlike sister in-law V, I am not in love with him and I don't sit around and take bullshit from men, which is why Miss J.'s dad and I are NOT together. What I do care about is the well-being of my sister in-law, nephew and little nieces. I am still thinking long and hard about the best way of going about this intervention. I think it would be best if I can have a heart to heart with sister in-law V just to let her know that I know what's going on, its not something that she has to remain a part of no matter what anyone else says and that all she has to do is say the word and it can all be over. If she needs any more convincing than that, well then I am prepared for that too. Whatever it takes to prevent a bad outcome.