I appear to be about half way through my much needed summer vacation and I am getting a little sad already. Yes, I have 6 days left before heading back to classes, but the days seem to be going by super fast. Aside from that, I can't stop myself from feeling guilt for taking a breather. This week, I have gotten up, gotten Miss J. off to school each morning, done one load of laundry...ok two, and that's about it. I feel like I should not be just sitting around here, or napping around here, when there is still laundry to be done, dishes to be washed, an entire house to be tidied and not to mention the job application that is laying here on my desk screaming, "what the hell is wrong with you?? Why am I still here?? Update your resume, finish filling me out and turn me in damn it!!" I hear you you little several pieces of white sheets of paper!!!! I haven't turned you in because you are not going to result in a job that will pay me enough money to make a difference, so thea!

I guess I am having a problem with being non-productive right now. If my house was on point and there was nothing taunting me then maybe I could relax and enjoy these days of not having to worry about finishing an article or chapter for class or the fact that I forgot to write those damn response questions. I would just be able to chill. I think my inability to just tune things out and take a day or two for myself comes with being a mother and with being someone who is constantly looked upon to perform. As a mother, your work is never done. There is always some kind of housework to be done or a story to be read, a head that needs to be combed, little toe nails that want to be painted and not to mention the ouchies waiting to be kissed. You all know how it is. Its a full time job in a sweat shop with a paycheck that consists only of hugs, kisses and unconditional love. Now, when you pair that with being a full-time student at one of the top universities in the country... you can see where I'm going with this. Let's just say, there is very little down time, so when down time is available I don't think I really know what to do with it. If I am not "doing something" I feel like I am slacking, especially when the down time is over and I am left looking at all of the things that I know I should have or could have done.

Does anyone else have this problem? You know it really is a problem, one that should be classified in the DSM-IV because there is no way that any mother should feel guilty for taking some much needed time for self. If we don't take the time to treat ourselves mentally, we will just reach a point of burn out and when that happens we are no good to ourselves or our children, or anyone else for that matter. I have decided that I am really going to make an effort to enjoy my vacation because guess what?? I earned it and more importantly I need it. I will set aside a couple of days to get the housework done and things in order and the rest of the time will be spent doing whatever I want to do (staring at the wall included) without any guilt.