Motherhood is turning out to be one of THEE coolest clubs ever. The coolest part? Its a lifetime membership.

When I found out that I was expecting, it really was a life changing experience. I was in my first semester of freshman year at UC Berkeley, not to mention, I had scholarships that I was putting to good use, and I was still learning how to share a dorm room with someone. I was in no way planning on becoming a mother all in the same breathe. In fact, I had it all planned out. I would go to college, become an investigative reporter, travel the world revealing the biggest conspiracies, while changing perceptions of inner city life, get married... and theeeeen have a baby. However, in a blink of an eye, that plan was but a dream, nine months had gone by, and I was welcoming a new member to Team Barbara. I found myself, 19, back at home, and a single mother. I couldn't help feeling like a "first generation black girl from the ghetto gets into one of the top Universities in the country only to get pregnant in her first semester and return back to the ghetto" statistic. Fortunately for me, my team was held together by some strong familial support, so I was able to take a break from Cal, regroup, and hit the academic track again with baby in tow.


By no means has it been easy or enjoyable or even pleasant 100% of the time. I have had to be creative, and develop skills that I didn't even know I was capable of possessing in order to navigate and combine the worlds of single mother and student. The two can be like oil and water on most days, and like PB&J on others. And there is always the task of negotiating the naysayers (the biggest one being myself). And what about the long list of sacrifices that I've had to make because I didn't have the privilege of being a parent of convenience? I've been having that conversation with myself, and others, for 7 years now, and still simultaneously, I get pissed off and amazed at my own strength and focus.


While I can and do bitch and moan about the struggles and hardships of being the captain of multiple ships, at the end of the day, it is in the arms of the child that I never planned to have, that I find the most comfort. It is in her words that I find the most honesty; it is in her infectious laughter that I start to remember who I use to be, way before I was told who I should be. So, yeah, to be a mother is a life changing experience on many different levels, and as much of a sacrifice as it brings with it, it also brings a multitude of uncharted waters and unexplored territory. I am looking forward to what the next 11 years and beyond bring us.

Written for the Spring Exhibition at UCSD: Exploring the "M" Word.
An Exhibition created, composed of and installed by ALL women