I've realized that I worried you all and just left some of you hanging. I apologize for that, and want to start off by assuring you that Miss J and I are doing ok. We have family that read my blog and are aware of the situation, so if things become uneasy again here in our home we have a couple of safe places to retreat to. But you know what? I don't plan on doing any retreating. Instead, I plan to stand up and fight, because... well, I've already laid down and taken it. Its time for me to advocate for myself. I have victim's rights dammit!
Monday morning I headed straight to UCPD and filed a harassment complaint. The Officer I met with pretty much reprimanded me for not filing for sole custody of the baby way before now, if in deed the situation was as bad as I was telling her, and my envelope of documentation, and his police record was telling her it was. I broke down in tears and explained to her that I am definitely all about preventative measures, but when you are mentally fragile and someone is constantly mentally abusing you its very hard to move forward and push past the fear, anxiety and depression. Not to mention the fact that the DA had never gotten in touch with me about my previous case as I was told he would, therefore crushing my faith and trust in the structure of the law. She understood and reassured me that she was in no way blaming me for enduring my abuse or saying that I was completely bad for sending my child off to the home of a man whose companionship likes to bag up weed in his living room, just pointing out that as a mother, its my responsibility to make sure that my child is always safe, and if I don't feel like he can provide a safe atmosphere then I have the right to not let her be a part of a potentially dangerous situation. I agreed. Finally, someone was on the same page as I was about the strong need to not just wait until something bad happened, but to do everything in my power to make sure that day never comes.
So, after opening a new case to supplement the existing one, I headed over to the Gender Equity and Resource Center to seek out guidance on getting a restraining order. I did a bit of research on Sunday and found the Family Violence Law Center, which is a non-profit in my county that assists people dealing with family violence in getting restraining orders and custody sorted out. And they work with the GendEq Center. I discovered that there's such a thing as a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, and I now have those forms, all "hella many" pages of them half way filled out. I have a follow up appointment with an advocate on campus and I am in the process of setting up an appointment with the advocate from the Family Violence Law Center, who is in a position to help me with completing and filing the forms, can accompany me to court and fight with me to regain control and some possible closure to this situation.
We'll see how this whole thing plays out. He texted me again tonight asking if I can bring Miss J over on Saturday (in which he spelled her name wrong, don't worry, we're not gonna go there, ok?)... and then called me. I have not, nor do I have any intention, on responding to either. I'm physically and mentally done. Until I can file this restraining order packet, and until I find someone to supervise the temporary visitation that will probably come with the restraining order/temporary custody arrangements, the contact between he and I, thus he and Miss J will be cut off. I just can't deal with it right now nor is it wise to be talking to/traveling to his home under the circumstances!
As the process unfolds I will keep you updated, as not to worry you all half to death about our safety. I am hoping that he will just stay on his side of town and allow us to stay on ours. And I am also hoping that he has not decided to one-up me by starting a custody case of his own, since he says he has been talking to a lawyer. We shall see...
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, February 24, 2009
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abuse,
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